Don't Be A Wiseguy

There was a guy where I worked who liked to act like he was one of the Sopranos, even though he was a tiny little nerdy guy with glasses.  If anyone complained about someone, say a neighbor for example, he'd say "I could have him taken care of for ya" while attempting to look all tough and mysterious (which he was incapable of; it wasn't intimidating at all, just hilarious).  He dyed his hair jet black, greased it back, had huge gold medallions hanging around his neck and walked with this bizarre strut.  Sometimes he'd hang up the phone when someone would walk near him and say "You don't wanna be hearin' any of dat stuff.  Could be bad for ya."  When five o'clock rolled around, he's look at his watch and say things like "Gotta get outta here, got some REAL business to attend to, if ya know what I mean."

The sad part was we all knew he lived with his mother and a whole bunch of cats.  He was just a dork trying to act tough.

That would be genius though! No one would ever suspect him!  I suggest you stay away from Mommy and the cats, if you know what's good for ya.

Thanks to Lil!