Thursday, October 28, 2010

Dick Chop

This, my friends, is the most serendipitous name reflecting a person's profession - EVER. I present to you:

Dr. Richard Chopp

Click here for Dr. Dick Chop's Website

“There are more vasectomies to be done”


Dr. Richard (Dick) Chopp is well known in the Austin community for performing Vasectomies. He also enjoys treating patients with metabolic evolution of kidney stone disease, male endocrine urology disorders, prostate disease and Peyronie's disease. He has extensive laparoscopy surgery experience, is on the transplant team and performs Living Donor Nephrectomy. He is a Principal Investigator and Sub-Investigator on selected research.

It's amazing he actually chose Dick as his nickname.  Not Rich or Rick or Richie.  Either he's oblivious to the connotations, or he has a fabulous sense of humor.  If it's the latter, then Dr. Chopp, I kinda love you.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

10 Most Disgusting Things Found in Food

I saw this and had to share - it fits loosely with the idea of coworkers, because SOMEONE had to work with the people who managed to get this crap (literal crap, in one case) in the products, right? Right?

Aw, screw it if it doesn't fit the theme.  Bon Apetit!

10 Most Disgusting Things Found in Food -

When Cate Barrett bought a jar of tikka masala sauce from her local Asda store, she was expecting it to contain a bit of a kick. But what she wasn't expecting to find was the dead mouse which had somehow ended up in the jar - along with the rest of her favorite sauce. The nursery worker had begun making dinner for herself and her boyfriend, Nigel, when she poured the sauce into the pan, and noticed it was a little lumpy. As she began stirring the sauce through, she noticed what looked like whiskers and a tail - and immediately knew it was a dead rodent. The couple took the dead animal and the jar of Asda Extra Special sauce back to the shop where a manager apologized and said it would be sent for examination.

A woman in Northern Ireland discovered part of an oven glove baked into her slice of bread - and she didn't even notice it until she began eating it. The loaf had been bought from a local shop just before Christmas. When the victim discovered the contamination, she reported the matter to the environmental health section of the council. The packet turned out to be full of shreds of the hessian-type cloth. Herefordshire-based Hovis makers Premier Foods were fined £750.

An American mother went to a McDonald's with her two 6 and 8 -year old children.
She ordered two Happy Meals with chicken for the children and a hamburger with fries for herself. While they were eating, the 6-year old was more interested in the slide across the street than in the chicken nuggets which he didn't even touch. So the mother decided she would eat them. Without actually watching what she was doing she was bringing a chicken biggest to her mouth, just when her 8-year old son yelled not to eat it. So she looked at the biggest to find that -- despite the crust, it looked just like a chicken's head.The manager offered them their meal for free and two more weeks of free meals. The mother pressed charges and demanded 100,000 dollars compensation

A Queens, N.Y. man sued his local Subway restaurant after he made a frightening discovery that gives new meaning to his former favorite, the Italian cold-cut trio: a knife baked right into the bun. John Agnesini, 27, was shocked to find the surprise ingredient, and a large one at that, in his sandwich. The design director of HX magazine was sitting at his computer doing work and not looking at what he was about to put into his mouth. Agnesini said he didn't bite into the knife's blade and wasn't cut, but a few hours later, he said he felt sick to his stomach and went to his doctor.

Fred DeNegri was grilling in his backyard when he cracked open a can of Diet Pepsi, took a thirsty gulp and immediately started gagging. The flavor of his Pepsi was rank and the texture was thick like slime. He immediately took it to a sink and shook out the contents until something resembling "pink linguini" slid out, followed by "dark stuff”. Despite persistent shaking, a heavy object remained inside the can. Completely disgusted, the DeNegris immediately called poison control and the FDA, and the can was taken in for lab testing to identify the source of the sludgy mess. The couple received a copy of the completed report from the Food and Drug Administration Office of Regulatory Affairs, which concluded the foreign matter appeared to be a frog or a toad.

A man found part of a severed finger packed inside a pint of frozen custard he'd bought from a Kohl's Frozen Custard shop, and officials said it belonged to a worker injured in a food-processing machine accident there. The customer, Clarence Stowers, said he put the finger in his mouth, thinking it was a piece of candy when he opened the pint at home. Stowers said he spat the object out, and "I said, 'God, this ain't no nut!' So I came in here to the kitchen and rinsed it off with water and realized it was a human finger and I just started screaming."

The custard shop owner, Craig Thomas, said that the 23-year-old employee who lost the finger had dropped a bucket while working with a machine that dispenses the custard. He tried to catch the bucket when the accident occurred. Thomas said that as several employees tried to help the injured worker, a drive-thru window attendant apparently scooped the chocolate custard into a pint before being told what had happened.

In Feb. 2002 a woman was eating a bowl of clam chowder at a McCormick and Schmick's seafood restaurant in Irvine, CA, when she bit down on something rubbery. She thought it was a piece of calamari, but when she spit it out into her napkin she discovered that it was a condom. She immediately complained and the restaurant manager took the condom from her. The woman later sued and won an undisclosed settlement from the restaurant. The restaurant itself tried to sue the supplier of the clam chowder, but a judge ruled in favor of the supplier.

A man almost ate this cockroach, found inside a packet of GoldenBoy crispy anchovy snack. The cockroach was difficult to spot initially as it was coated with sesame seeds, making it blend together with the snack. He had bought a 'GoldenBoy crispy anchovy snack' and almost ate a small cockroach after eating about 1/3 of the snack. The cockroach even had sesame seeds on it, which means that it came along with the anchovies inside

A man from Boston found a living black widow spider in a bag of grapes bought at the Whole Foods Market in Brighton. Jorge Fuertes reached into the bag, pulled out some grapes and saw something black fall out and run away. He thought it was an ant, so he looked in the bag and found a southern black widow spider. He spit out his mouthful of grapes and noticed the spider's telltale red hourglass on its belly. He put it in a yogurt cup and went back to the store to let them know what had happened. A manager told Fuertes the entire shipment of Anthony's brand organic red seedless grapes would be removed from the shelves. In a statement Whole Foods said spiders are part of the landscape at their California grower and "although we are very cautious when unpacking produce, sometimes insects are not detected." A black widow bite is rarely deadly, but its neurotoxic venom is painful. It can bring on muscle cramps, vomiting, and dizziness, especially in young children and the elderly.

A family accused chefs of serving poop in their ice cream after they complained about noise during a football match. A bitter row broke out between them and one of Sydney's largest tourist pubs. State government food minister Ian Macdonald confirmed that frozen fecal matter had been found in a serving of chocolate gelato offered to placate pub patron Steve Whyte and his wife Jessica, who became "violently ill" after eating it. Staff at the Coogee Bay Hotel, located just a few minutes south of Bondi Beach, denied the charge. Both the chef and restaurant manager volunteered for DNA tests to prove their innocence. Both sides have accused the other of money seeking, with the Whyte's claiming they were offered $5,000 (£1,500) in hush money by pub General Manager Tony Williams, while they in turn were accused of trying to negotiate up to $1 million in damages.

Maybe it's just me, but if you're okay with eating crispy anchovy snacks I don't see how a crispy cockroach would bother you all that much.  Blech.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

More Resume Idiocy....

 These blunders are courtesy of Robert Half International's Resumania.:

"SKILLS: Committed to meeting deadline."
Just one?

"HOBBIES: Michael Bolton."
That's a first.

"SKILLS: I'm try-lingual."
She either speaks three languages or has trouble with just one.

"COVER LETTER: I host a superlative proficiency for resolving complex systematic problems. I have pedagogic expertise conducting sales, and I can be quickly utilized as an assiduous, visceral and proactive problem solver."
Easy for you to say.

"EQUIPMENT: Human brain 1.0."
We'll wait for the upgrade.

It doesn't look good...

"DATE OF EMPLOYMENT: 2002-9999."
She's earned her gold watch!

We can't "C" why you highlighted this fact.

We'll need a little more to go on.

"EXPERIENCE: Demonstrated ability in multi-tasting."
You'll love our vending machine.

"EXPERIENCE: Only employee of a small distribution company."
Can't get much smaller than that.

"APPLICATION: Q: How large was the department you worked in with your last company? "A: 3 stories."
OK ... Then, approximately how many people sat on each floor?

"PERSONAL: I can describe myself in three words: committed, hard working, and very strategic thinking."
That's seven words.

"REASON FOR LEAVING: Pushed aside so the vice president's girlfriend could steal my job."
We're glad you're not bitter.

Did you find it tough to master?

"EXPERIENCE: "Responsibilities included recruiting, screening, interviewing and executing final candidates."
Seems kind of harsh ...

"EXPERIENCE: I was brought in as a turnaround consultant to help turn the company around."
Sounds like you may be going in circles.

"COMPENSATION: My compensation should be at least equal to my age."
And bonuses "tied to" your shoe size?

"WORK EXPERIENCE: Responsibilities included checking customers out."
And then did you rank them on a scale of 1-to-10?

"CURRENT SALARY: $36,000. Salary desired: $250,000."

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Sunday Silliness

Check out for more funny translations...

Well, at least they supply the fork so you can eat your big dump.  

WTF kind of nails require this manicure set?!?!

In their defense, you do have to remove a pin to make it function, like a grenade.  But that's where the similarities end as far as I can tell.

Damn, there goes my plans to barf on the floor while simultaneously rubbing myself on the wall.  

Wash in coleslaw.  Makes sense to me.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Amusing Resume Mistakes

These are quite amusing.....

Resume Mistakes That Keep Hiring Managers Amused But Cost You the Interview
By Barbara Safani

Think resume typos are no big deal? Last year, Accountemps, a temporary staffing firm, interviewed 150 senior executives from some of the nation's largest companies. Forty percent of the respondents said that just one typo on a resume would cause the candidate to be eliminated. Thirty-six percent said it would take just two mistakes before the resume was put in the "no" pile. Here are some of my favorite resume bloopers I found via Job Mob, Resume Hell, and Zimbio. Obviously spell-check isn't all it's cracked up to be.

  • Objective: Seeking a party-time position with room for advancement 
  • Professional headline: 1 year old marketing executive
  • Achievement: Planned new corporate facility at $3M over budget.
  • Explanation of employment gap: career break in 1999 to renovate my horse
  • References: Referees available upon request
  • Skills: I am a rabid typist
  • Strengths: Impersonal skills
  • Hobbies: Enjoy cooking Chinese and Italians
  • Education: College: August 1880 to May 1984
  • Cover letter: I would like to assure you that I am a hardly working person.

And just how much information on a resume is too much?
  • Objective: To have my skills and ethics challenged on a regular basis
  • Personal Information: Married, eight children, prefer frequent travel
  • Language Skills: Exposure to German for two years-but many words are inappropriate for business
  • Reason for leaving last job: the owner gave new meaning to the word paranoia
  • Achievements: Nominated for prom queen
  • Education: Finished eighth in a class of ten
  • Interests: Gossiping
  • Awards: National record for eating 45 eggs in two minutes
  • References: Bill, Tom, Eric - but I don't know their phone numbers
  • Salary: The higher the better
  • Cover letter: Please disregard the attached resume; it's totally outdated

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Sunday Silliness

I love live TV:

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Say What?!?

By Rachel Zupek, writer
interview questions"I'm not wanted in this state."
"How many young women work here?"
"I didn't steal it; I just borrowed it."
"You touch somebody and they call it sexual harassment!"
"I've never heard such a stupid question."
Believe it or not, the above statements weren't overhead in bars or random conversations -- they were said in job interviews.
Maybe you were nervous, you thought the employer would appreciate your honesty, or maybe you just have no boundaries. Whatever the reason, you can be certain that you shouldn't tell an interviewer that it's probably best if they don't do a background check on you. (And yes, the hiring manager remembered you said that.)
We asked hiring managers to share the craziest things they've heard from applicants in an interview. Some are laugh-out-loud hysterical, others are jaw dropping -- the majority are both. To be sure, they will relieve anyone who has ever said something unfortunate at a job interview -- and simply amuse the rest of you.

Hiring managers shared these 43 memorable interview responses:

Why did you leave your last job?
1. "I have a problem with authority." - Carrie Rocha, COO of HousingLink

Tell us about a problem you had with a co-worker and how you resolved it
2. "The resolution was we were both fired."- Jason Shindler, CEO, Curvine Web Solutions

What kind of computer software have you used?
3. "Computers? Are those the black boxes that sit on the floor next to the desks? My boss has one of those. He uses it. I don't have one. He just gives me my schedule and I follow it." - Greg Szymanski, director of human resources, Geonerco Management, Inc

What are your hobbies and interests?
4. [He said] 'Well, as you can see, I'm a young, virile man and I'm single -- if you ladies know what I'm saying.' Then he looked at one of the fair-haired board members and said, 'I particularly like blondes.'" - Petri R.J. Darby, president, darbyDarnit Public Relations

Why should we hire you?
5. "I would be a great asset to the events team because I party all the time." - Bill McGowan, founder, Clarity Media Group

Do you have any questions?
6. "Cross dressing isn't a problem is it?" - Barry Maher, Barry Maher & Associates
7. "If you were a fruit, what fruit would you be?" - Megan Garnett, Articulate Leadership Team, Articulate Communications Inc.
8. "What do you want me to do if I cannot walk to work if it's raining? Can you pick me up?" - Christine Pechstein, career coach
9. "I was a Chamber of Commerce Executive once hiring a secretary. [The candidate asked] 'What does a Chamber of Commerce do?'" - Mary Kurek, Mary Kurek, Inc. Visibility Consulting
10. "Can we wrap this up fairly quickly? I have someplace I have to go." - Bruce Campbell, vice president of marketing, Clare Computer Solutions
11. "What is your company's policy on Monday absences?" - Campbell
12. "If this doesn't work out can I call you to go out sometime?" - Christine Bolzan, founder of Graduate Career Coaching
13. "How big do the bonuses really get once you make associate? I hear it's some serious cash." - Bolzan
14. "[The candidate asked,] 'Can my dad call you to talk about the job and the training program? He is really upset I'm not going to medical school and wants someone to explain the Wall Street path to him.' The dad did call. Then that dad's friends called and I ended up doing a conference call with a group of concerned parents ... long story." - Bolzan
15. "If I get an offer, how long do I have before I have to take the drug test?" - Bolzan
16. "When you do background checks on candidates, do things like public drunkenness arrests come up?" - Bolzan
17. "Can I get a tour of the breast pumping room? I heard you have a great one here and while I don't plan on having children for at least 10 or 12 years, I will definitely breast feed and would want to use that room."- Bolzan
18. "So, how much do they pay you for doing these interviews?" - Jodi R.R. Smith, Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting

Why are you leaving your current job?
19. "Because I (expletive) my pants every time I enter the building." - Abbe Mortimore, Human Resources Manager, True Textiles, Inc.
20. "I was fired from my last job because they were forcing me to attend anger management classes." - Smith

Why are you looking for a job?
21. "Cigarettes are getting more expensive, so I need another job." - Pechstein
22. "My parents told me I need to get a job so that is why I'm here." - McGowan

Why do you want to work for us?
23. "Just for the benefits." - Jennifer Juergens, JJ Communications
24. "My old boss didn't like me, so one day, I just left and never came back. And here I am!" - Matt Cowall, communications manager, Appia Communications
25. "I saw the job posted on Twitter and thought, why not?" - Rebecca Gertsmark Oren, Communications Director at The Rudd Center for Food Policy and Obesity

What are your assets? (as in strengths)
26. "Well, I do own a bike." - Pam Venné, principal, The Venné Group

What are your weaknesses?
27. "I get angry easily and I went to jail for domestic violence. But I won't get mad at you." - Pechstein
28. "I had a job candidate tell me that she often oversleeps and has trouble getting out of bed in the morning." - Linda Yaffe, certified executive coach
29. "I am an alcoholic and do not deserve this job." - Deb Bailey, owner, Power Women Magazine & Radio Show
30. "I'm really not a big learner. You know ... some people love learning and are always picking up new things, but that's just not me. I'd much rather work at a place where the job is pretty stagnant and doesn't change a lot." - Michaele Charles, Voice Communications

When have you demonstrated leadership skills?
31. "Well my best example would be in the world of online video gaming. I pretty much run the show; it takes a lot to do that." - Rachel Croce

Is there anything else I should know about you?
32. "You should probably know I mud wrestle on the weekends." - Venne

When can you start?
33. "I need to check with my mom on that one." - Bolzan

Use three adjectives to describe yourself
34. "I hate questions like this." - Katrina Meistering, manager of outreach, National Fatherhood Initiative

Tell of a time you made a mistake and how you dealt with it
35. "I stole some equipment from my old job, and I had to pay for its replacement." - Meistering

Have you submitted your two weeks' notice to your current employer?
36. "What is two weeks' notice? I've never quit a job before, I've always been fired." - Meistering

Random responses
37. "One guy [said] 'it would probably be best' if I didn't run a background check on him. Of course, I did, and learned all about his long, sordid past of law-breaking. Our client actually offered him a job as a staff accountant, but quickly retracted the offer when I had to tell them all about his recent arrest for a meth lab in his basement." - Charles
38. "[A] guy said he did not have a mailing address, as he was living in a gypsy camp at the airport." - Sandra L. Flippo, SPHR
39. "I went into the lobby to pick up a candidate. As he stood up, his trousers fell to the floor! [He said] 'Oh, my gosh -- they told me I needed a suit for the interview. I've got no money -- so I borrowed this thing. It's too big!'" - Beth Ross, executive and career coach
40. "Wow -- I'm not used to wearing dress shoes! My feet are killing me. Can I show you these bloody blisters?" - Bolzan
41. "May I have a cup of coffee? I think I may still be a little drunk from last night." - Smith
42. (During a telephone call to schedule the interview) "Can we meet next month? I am currently incarcerated." - Smith
43. "[A candidate] was asked whether he could advocate impartially on behalf of the various universities he would be representing since he had attended one of them. He responded, 'Well, I don't like to poop where I eat, but I thought my education sucked, so I certainly wouldn't put that school above the others.'" - Darby