My old boss was a complete arrogant a$$hole. He would have parties at his big old house just to show off to his employees how rich he was, and attendance was pretty mandatory - you'd be on his sh*t list for months of you didn't go. At these parties, the whole night would pretty much revolve around him telling stories about his latest vacation/safari/boat purchase.
At one party, he decided to demonstrate his latest golf success. He picked up a fireplace poker and re-enacted his swing at the country club, managing to whack his secretary on the head with it in the process. Chaos ensued as blood poured form her head, but my boss just looked annoyed at the whole thing and went into the kitchen to refresh his martini. As people debated who would drive her to the hospital for stitches, he said "Well don't look at me, I just had my car cleaned".
In the restroom at my office, nasty graffitti started appearing on the walls, all of it centered around a particular female comworker of mine. It was pretty graphic, all about her enjoyment of perfoming deviant sexual acts that I won't list (aw, c'mon, aren't we all friends here?). Obviously, she was very upset. More writing would appear overnight, so my superiors knew it had to be one of the plentiful cleaning people that came in at night. But which one? Since it is illegal to put video in a bathroom, a camera was erected right outside the entrance. The next day when more slurs appeared, the tape was reviewed and it was discovered which cleaning guy it was. Obviously he was fired, but the best part was his reasoning. He stated that "The b*tch left crumbs and dirt around her desk. She's a pig who needs to learn to clean up after herself."
You don't sell pup tents, do you? Maybe he's demonstrating the basic physics of the operation of a pup tent.I work in sales for a large corporation. I won't get into detail what kind of sales, since that's not really important (and, basically, boring). Anyway, I have one boss who likes to have 'Encouragment Meetings'. It's pretty much a rah-rah pep rally for getting out there and selling. He's got a very large belly, and he has started this icky tradition. He claims it's good luck to rub his belly, like Buddha's. So at the end of the meeting, we all (and we are mostly women) have to file past him on the way out the door and rub his belly for good luck. Sometimes he claims we didn't do it hard enough and demands a re-do, but unsuprisingly he only says that to the attractive females of the group.
And the main thing when you are passing him during this tradition is DON'T LOOK DOWN! Or you will see a bit of an....um....uprising in his pants.
MARCH 3--Ronald Neilly was working at an International House of Pancakes in Hallandale, Florida one Sunday morning when he accidentally cut off a fingertip while preparing an order. Neilly, 35, was immediately rushed to a local hospital by Department of Fire Rescue workers. But the severed fingertip--nail intact--could not be located by his fellow kitchen employees.This is just so damn horrifying I can't comprehend it. Biting into a rubbery bit, and discovering its a HUMAN FINGERTIP?!?!?! I'd need years of intensive therapy.
Until, of course, it soon turned up in the fried chicken green salad being consumed by Nadine Robinson, 42, who was having brunch with her family after attending services at Calvary Chapel in Fort Lauderdale. The severed fingertip can be seen in the above police photo (click to enlarge).
The repulsive IHOP episode, which has not been previously reported, occurred in November 2008 and has resulted in a lawsuit brought by Robinson and her family against the restaurant chain and Neilly (TSG learned of the incident when IHOP lawyers last month filed a federal court motion seeking to remove the case from a Broward County court). Robinson's negligence complaint alleges that the restaurant served her a "freshly severed finger tip that contained both freshly cut human flesh and blood." IHOP, she charges, did not cease operating after Neilly was injured while preparing her salad, adding that the eatery's actions exposed her and her teenage daughter Ashley (who shared some of the salad) to a variety of possible health problems.
After Hallandale cops were summoned to the restaurant, Robinson told them that she had bitten into a piece of salad that "had a rubbery texture." After spitting out the piece and inspecting it, Robinson "noticed that the unknown piece in her salad was the end of a finger tip which also had a piece of a finger nail attached to it." When police spoke to IHOP manager Robert Clarke, he told them of the Neilly accident, adding that he "did keep the plate and piece of finger in the back office." Two police representatives later responded to IHOP and photographed the remains of Robinson's meal, with Neilly's fingertip at the plate's center.
A subsequent inspection of the eatery by the federal Occupational Safety and Health Administration (OSHA) resulted in the issuance of a "Serious" violation due to IHOP not requiring cooks "preparing food with knives in the kitchen area to use appropriate hand protection when exposed to hazards such as severe cuts, lacerations or punctures."
In a claim letter sent last year to an IHOP insurance carrier, Robinson's lawyers demanded an $18 million settlement payment to Robinson and her husband, and $2.5 million for the couple's 14-year-old daughter. IHOP has yet to answer the complaint, apart from seeking last month to have the matter removed to federal court.
Computer programmer, 34, arrested for in-flight masturbation episodeWell, this counts as a crazy coworker because he was ON A FREAKIN' BUSINESS TRIP! Not a "pleasure" (heh!) trip, but as a representative of his company. His coworkers must be eagerly looking forward to his return to the home office.....
MARCH 2--A Delaware man is facing a federal criminal charge after he was caught yesterday masturbating on a plane while seated next to a female passenger. Murali Nookella, a 34-year-old computer programmer, was en route to Denver from Philadelphia on a Southwest Airlines flight when a woman noticed him "fumbling underneath a blanket," according to an affidavit sworn by FBI Agent Joel Nishida. The woman, identified only by her initials in the affidavit, said that Nookella's "eyes were closed and his hands moved all around his groin area" underneath a "mustard/gold blanket pulled up to his waist." As the woman packed up her belonging to move seats, she "looked at Nookella and saw him holding his erect penis." The woman said that Nookella remarked, "You caught me." Nookella held a napkin in his left hand, the woman told the FBI. According to Nishida's affidavit, the woman "did not look but heard a swishing sound. She thought Nookella wiped something." Nookella's employer told TSG that he was headed to Denver on a work assignment. Nookella was named today in a misdemeanor criminal complaint charging him with indecent exposure. If convicted, he faces a maximum of 90 days in jail and a $5000 fine.
My family owns a funeral parlor. It's a big house, and we live above the funeral parlor itself, on the second floor, which I am sure will creep some people out. But since I have been living here since birth, I'm so used to it that it doesn't seem weird to me at all. I have always worked for the family biz, and when my dad retired and moved to Florida, I took over completely.
One time my staff made a pretty significant mistake. We had two viewings that day, and the men both had similar names, we will call them John Robertson and Robert Johnson. The staff put John R. in one viewing room, but put out the flowers and the placard for Robert J. And vice versa in Robert J.'s room.
Imagine both family's surprise when they arrived to say good-bye to their loved one and.....it wasn't him. There was much shuffling and confusion to rectify that mess.
I worked at a supermarket deli years ago, and one guy I worked with (I will call him Kevin) had another job in construction. Since he worked with his hands a lot, they were very rough and calloused. Anyway...
The deli had a service where if the customer brought us a block of cheese, we would grate it for them at no extra charge. If the customer who requested the service was rude or an a$$hole, or even if Kevin was just in a bad mood that day, he'd grate some of his callouses into the cheese.I adore grated parmesan. But I will never look at it the same again.
A woman I worked with was having an affair with a male coworker. She thought it was 'loooove' while he wanted nothing more that an occasional *bleep* (bleep added by me, although I have no problem with words like *bleep*, or *bleeping* or *bleepity-bleep*. I just don't want to offend anyone else who may be less crass than me. Or who may be reading at work).
One day she found out the 'terms of endearment' he was referring to her as when he spoke to other male coworkers. They included slam piece, easy lay, etc. Spreads as easy as warm butter was my favorite. (Sorry, I couldn't bleep these. 'Cause they're kinda funny.) She ran over to his cubicle crying, and grabbed whatever she could reach on his desk and hurled it at him. Coffee (while still in a mug), cellphone, random papers. I think the stapler probably hurt the worst.
They were both summoned to the boss's office, and given a lecture on proper work demeanor and inter-office dating. As far as I know, they have never spoken to or even looked at each other again.
Finger Lickin' Good: Don't Try This At HomeSo of course I searched for the video, so you don't have to:
By Ed Orum
There's a certain chicken chain where "finger lickin' good" has proved to be advertising gold.
This isn't a story about that.
It's the tale of former British supermarket employee who has taken the idea to a new level of bizarreness.
30-year old Adeel Ayub is facing criminal charges for, among other things, licking raw chickens and placing them back on store shelves for unsuspecting shoppers. Digest that for a minute while you ponder how he didn't contract salmonella, and you're probably wondering why anyone would do such a thing. As they say on TV, "But Wait, That's Not All!"
Seems Ayub was dumb enough to let a co-worker tape the shenanigans.
The video is now making the rounds online, and it shows some of the laundry list of offenses including urinating into garbage cans, throwing raw eggs, slashing his colleagues' clothes, discharging fire extinguishers and playing rock star in the break room by tearing up the place. There was also a game of stockroom baseball with items destined for store shelves.
Ayub worked for four years at the British supermarket chain Asda, which is owned by Walmart. While he has already apologized for the antics - which took place a few years ago - he gives no reason for his extra-curricular activities. He's due in court later this month.
The $1 Million Striptease
By Ed Orum
After suffering through eight years of being harassed by her male colleagues, a British businesswoman wants her final paycheck - $1 million dollars.
Haley Tansey is suing her former employer for all the ways she was wronged over the years as a traveling loan manager at a bank. Testimony from her ongoing trial sounds like the storyline of a late night cable movie!
How's this for creepy? The married mother of one says she once woke up in a hotel room with the feeling of being watched. When she opened her eyes, she saw her male colleague standing over her bed, watching her sleep. Asking him to scram only made matters worse - he went into the bathroom and came out naked!
The two weren't sharing a room - the co-worker had managed to sneak his way in by telling a hotel employee he was her boyfriend and was too drunk to open the door.
Part of that was correct - the man was apparently pretty tipsy - some reports say he downed ten beers before the stripping stunt. Earlier that night, Tansey thought she was in the clear after successfully avoiding flirtatious advances from the married father of three before they retired to their respective rooms.
While this might be the most bizarre story to come out of the trial, apparently there are plenty of other reasons that forced Tansey to quit her job - including colleagues bragging about their bedroom antics, the exchange of X-rated DVDs and "grading" the female staff.
Peeping Tom Spying On Co-workers Gets Busted
By Ed Orum
Putting a spy camera in your bathroom at work doesn't exactly scream "team player."
There's certain amount of trust we place in our co-workers. Day in and day out, we're clustered together in close quarters, participating in office pools and celebrating seasonal holidays with pot-luck lunches.
25-year old Miguel Bribiescas of Elgin, Illinois broke that trust, and the law according to The Daily Herald.
The wood-flooring company employee admitted to police that he had placed a pen-sized spy camera in a bathroom at his work. His plan to angle for an ogle of his female colleagues didn't exactly work out -Bribiescas has pleaded guilty to a felony charge and faces up to three years in prison.
Bad for him, but how creeped out must his co-workers be? Cops say the camera was able to sneak a peek at just one female co-worker before it was discovered.
When authorities looked at the tape, it wasn't as salacious as you might think. Apparently Bribiescas isn't a tech genius, nor is he the brightest criminal on the block. Most of the video shows the perp himself looking into the lens in an attempt to figure out how to use the device.
A picture is worth a thousand words - and in this case, something tells me Bribiescas won't be getting employee of the month.
I work at a cemetery, so I have many stories of weirdness, but I will stick to one in particular for today.Well, that's dead wrong. He's gonna get caught one day, no matter how hard it tries to bury this grave injustice.
At this time of year, many families come and place grave blankets on the graves of loved ones. I always like the look of it, makes the place look more "lived in". Hehe. Sorry, cemetery humor.
Anyway, people generally make one visit around the holidays, and don't come back for a while. That makes it easy for my co-worker to get away with this:
Every year he sets up a roadside stand to sell - you guessed it - grave blankets. And I'm sure you can figure out who his supplier is...yes, our every own cemetery. He takes the blankets off the graves and resells them.
If anyone does notice the missing blankets, it's really hard for them to blame one particular person, with all the people in and out and the large number of groundskeepers.
Happy Holidays!!
Back in the 80s to 90s, I was a crew member on a very large cruise ship, and I can tell you that the passengers have absolutely no clue what happens below deck.
I'm sure this part can't be occurring anymore, with stricter environmental guidelines in place and hefty fines, but late at night we used to dump our garbage off the ship right into the ocean. Big black bags of it, just coming right off the back of the ship.
But I'm sure this part still happens: the crew and entertainment workers are like one big incestuous family. We had our own bar on a lower deck, nothing like the ones the passengers go to - ours was (and I'm sure still is) a bare bones, low class gin-mill type of place. The crew gets drunk just about every night, and you never knew who would wind up in what bed or who they would wake up next to. What makes that even more raunchy as I look back on it is that the crew stayed in rooms of 2 or 4 people each. So there was no privacy for these shenanigans. There were even occasions when a crew member might manage to rotate through all four beds and all four roomates in one drunken night. The top billed members of the entertainment groups would usually have a single room, and people would hook up with them not due to attraction, but for the chance of a night of privacy.
The drunken fights were pretty legendary, too.
The better looking male crew members (alas, I was not one of them) would have women passengers throwing themselves at them. From the very young to the very old, it seemed a badge of honor to 'get' a crew member. These male crew members were used to this, and used to have a standard line of "I've never gotten together with a passenger before, but you, I couldn't resist." (Insert major gagging and barfing sounds here. Thanks.) Of course, little did the women know they were just one of hundreds, maybe thousands to hear the same routine.
Ah, we were young and crazy.Young, crazy, and most likely disease-ridden with livers ready to go on strike.
