Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Helpful Hints

I have gotten quite a few submissions from people who work in the fast food industry.  They have taught me exactly what I should and should not do in order to gain employment and be a stellar employee at one of these establishments.  I will let you in on the tips I have gleaned, just because I enjoy being generous and helping others.  Heh.

1.  Make sure to never wash your hands, hair or armpits.  The worse the you smell, the better.

2.  Have insanely bad bathroom habits.  Do not flush, nor wash up after.

3.   Pick your pimples, ears  or nose, preferably all three, at any given opportunity.

4.  Carry a plastic kiddie lunch box with a lunch your mother has made for you, even if you are a full fledged adult.

4.  Have  a loooong resume, the longer the better.  Ten pages should just about do it.  Make sure that you have outlined your inability to hold a job for longer than two months.

5.   Dress to impress for your interview.  For example, a holey white T-shirt and a skirt or pants that are way too tight should do the trick.

6.   Wear those same clothes you got hired in every day.

7.   Never cover your sneezes or coughs.  This is important, as mucus adds flavor.

8.   Pick you fingernails and let the pieces fall into the salad bar.  A little crunch is always appealing in a salad.  Who needs croutons?

9.   Braces, lisps, or any other speech impediments that cause you to spit as you talk is a bonus.

10.  Lick all food products before they are given to the customer.  This is simply good customer service.

Thanks to Badguy, Cheex17, SomeNewlyMarriedWife, AngieP. and YesChef! for their contributions to my future employment.


strokeofliving said...

This is simply gross. Are you certain that you read your submissions correctly?

After all it's perfectly okay to feed my family FAST FOOD when I'm too tired to cook. After all no one is really THAT nasty, especially working in the food industry.

I mean what is really in the tartar sauce?

Anita Bier said...

Yup, I read 'em as they come. I am assuming these cases are the exception and not the norm. Hell, I love me some fast food on occasion.

But don't ask about the tartar sauce - you don't really wanna know ;)

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