For those of you who enjoyed Tuesday's post, here's another in a similar vein:
The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.
And the winners are: (we are so in need of a drumroll here)
1. Coffee , n. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted , adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. Abdicate , v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. -
4. Esplanade , v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly , adj. Impotent.
6. Negligent , adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. Lymph , v. To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle , n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence , n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash , n. A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle , n. A humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude , n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon , n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster , n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism , n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent , n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
Wednesday Weigh-in Day!
10 years ago
11 comments:
Love, love, love these as much as the first batch.
Anita,
I think I got the hang of this now. How abot these?
Scrapple- a mashed fruit gyro mixed with contents from the trash.
Produce- all number two playing cards to work in Vegas full time.
Scream- a whipped topping with a sound so piercing that dogs can hear when you use a dollop.
Saucer- a regal sous chef specializing in puree.
Transfer- A hermaphrodite winter covering given on special occasions - getting a new job.
Great ones!!!
Thank you I'll be here all week :-)
Me too ;)
Always glad to have ya!!!
Anita, I have a contender for your blog's theme song. I know you didn't suggest that you even needed one.
Anyway it's "People are crazy" by country singer Billy Carrington. The lyrics: "God is great, beer is good and people are crazy." Very catchy when you hear it.
I love those lyrics! I'm gonna have to check it out - thank you!!
I am to please. Here is a link to the song. The correct spelling of his last name is Currington and he's got hunky good looks.
http://lala.com/zNE
There actually is no "Mensa Invitational," but The Washington Post does have a wonderfully clever humor contest called The Style Invitational. And two Invitational contests from 1998 are the sources of many -- but not all -- of the neologisms in the list above, and the one you posted earlier. (For example, "decafalon" isn't a one-letter change from "decathlon," is it? Or "caterpallor"?)
Much better to see the real thing -- every week at washingtonpost.com/styleinvitational. The Style Invitational is a weekly humor/wordplay contest with unbelievably clever humor contributed by thousands of readers. It's published every Saturday in The Post's Style (features) section, and every Friday afternoon at about 3:30.
The most recent results (Jan. 23, 2010) were for made-up homonyms or homophones. Among the winners:
Ho-maid: The role of a traditional wife.
Hi-deaf TV: Commercials.
S-cargo: Snail mail.
This weekend we'll have humorous poems about people who died last year.
You can see links to these contests and dozens of earlier ones at washingtonpost.com/styleinvitational. Or you can become a fan of "Washington Post Style" on Facebook (go to facebook.com/wapostyle ) and you'll get a link to the Invitational when it's posted. I hope you become regular readers and maybe even regular entrants.
Best,
The Empress of The Style Invitational
This is great stuff!! Thanks so much for letting me now - going to become a fan right now.
that was supposed to be "letting me know".
Brain power...is....draining........
fast.........
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