Friday, November 27, 2009

The Mensa Invitational - Part Deux

For those of you who enjoyed Tuesday's post, here's another in a similar vein:

The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.

And the winners are: (we are so in need of a drumroll here)

1. Coffee , n. The person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted , adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. Abdicate , v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. -

4. Esplanade , v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly , adj. Impotent.

6. Negligent , adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

7. Lymph , v. To walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle , n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence , n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash , n. A rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle , n. A humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude , n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon , n. A Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster , n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism , n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent , n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

11 comments:

strokeofliving said...

Love, love, love these as much as the first batch.

strokeofliving said...

Anita,

I think I got the hang of this now. How abot these?
Scrapple- a mashed fruit gyro mixed with contents from the trash.
Produce- all number two playing cards to work in Vegas full time.
Scream- a whipped topping with a sound so piercing that dogs can hear when you use a dollop.
Saucer- a regal sous chef specializing in puree.
Transfer- A hermaphrodite winter covering given on special occasions - getting a new job.

Anita Bier said...

Great ones!!!

strokeofliving said...

Thank you I'll be here all week :-)

Anita Bier said...

Me too ;)

Always glad to have ya!!!

strokeofliving said...

Anita, I have a contender for your blog's theme song. I know you didn't suggest that you even needed one.

Anyway it's "People are crazy" by country singer Billy Carrington. The lyrics: "God is great, beer is good and people are crazy." Very catchy when you hear it.

Anita Bier said...

I love those lyrics! I'm gonna have to check it out - thank you!!

strokeofliving said...

I am to please. Here is a link to the song. The correct spelling of his last name is Currington and he's got hunky good looks.

http://lala.com/zNE

Pat said...

There actually is no "Mensa Invitational," but The Washington Post does have a wonderfully clever humor contest called The Style Invitational. And two Invitational contests from 1998 are the sources of many -- but not all -- of the neologisms in the list above, and the one you posted earlier. (For example, "decafalon" isn't a one-letter change from "decathlon," is it? Or "caterpallor"?)


Much better to see the real thing -- every week at washingtonpost.com/styleinvitational. The Style Invitational is a weekly humor/wordplay contest with unbelievably clever humor contributed by thousands of readers. It's published every Saturday in The Post's Style (features) section, and every Friday afternoon at about 3:30.

The most recent results (Jan. 23, 2010) were for made-up homonyms or homophones. Among the winners:
Ho-maid: The role of a traditional wife.
Hi-deaf TV: Commercials.
S-cargo: Snail mail.

This weekend we'll have humorous poems about people who died last year.

You can see links to these contests and dozens of earlier ones at washingtonpost.com/styleinvitational. Or you can become a fan of "Washington Post Style" on Facebook (go to facebook.com/wapostyle ) and you'll get a link to the Invitational when it's posted. I hope you become regular readers and maybe even regular entrants.

Best,
The Empress of The Style Invitational

Anita Bier said...

This is great stuff!! Thanks so much for letting me now - going to become a fan right now.

Anita Bier said...

that was supposed to be "letting me know".

Brain power...is....draining........

fast.........

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