Sunday, January 31, 2010

Sunday Funday

Signs, signs, everywhere there's signs....

"If I could write for the free help, then I wouldn't need it, would I?!?"

Angelina Jolie was seen taking advantage of this sale.

How do you go about proving that they qualify for the free stuff?

Go toward your own butt.  Apparently it will lead you to the restrooms.

Ah, romance.  Pork the one you love.

Very clever usage of a disposed appliance.  Not good for the environment, but definitely clever.

Saturday, January 30, 2010

I Love Chicken!

This has nothing to do with co-workers or jobs or anything, but so bizarre I had to share...

Apparently this guy has great love for his chicken.  Note him cuddling and playing with it on the floor of an NYC subway train...

The chicken part is definitely nutty, but what's crazier to me is having voluntary bodily contact with the floor of a New York City subway car.  Now THAT'S insanity.


On a side note, where does one get a live chicken in the middle of a city?

Friday, January 29, 2010

Snot My Problem

At the clothuing store I worked at, I had a coworker that I will call Jenny.  Jenny had a problem.  You see, she had a nose job in her teens that left her with no feeling in her nose and right below it.  Plus she had allergies.  When her nose ran, she had no idea it was even running.  She would be taking care of customers at the checkout with big trails of snot hanging down over her upper lip.  My favorite Jenny moment was when her nose actually DRIPPED on a woman's purchase, after which the woman said, "I am NOT taking that one."

That's a pretty bad problem.  I can't think of any solution other than:

That's just snot right, DancingQueen.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Free Booze

Yesterday we made mention of a stupid liquor store robbery attempt.

Well, this video shows the clumsiest, most accident prone liquor store robber ever.  He just keeps getting worse with each subsequent move he makes.  Check it out for yourself:

My favorite part is when he gives up at the end, sits down on a keg and has a smoke while waiting for the police to come on in.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Ten (Or Maybe Just Eight) Stupid People

Here's another one of those stupid people in the news kinda things.  I did try to verify these, and as far as I can ascertain, the only ones that are definitively false are 4 amd 10.  Which sucks, because I loooove number 4.  The rest are either factual or at least have some kernal of truth to them.

1. When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach California , would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men
to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger.  The chef's claim was approved.
3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. 'Understandably', he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer....

$15. [If someone points a gun at you and GIVES you money, has a crime been committed?]

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle Street , he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

As for there being a tape of number 7, I searched and found the following - but it has two idiots rather than just a lone fool, so it may not be the right one.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

That's Just Grate!

I worked at a supermarket deli years ago, and one guy I worked with (I will call him Kevin) had another job in construction. Since he worked with his hands a lot, they were very rough and calloused. Anyway...

The deli had a service where if the customer brought us a block of cheese, we would grate it for them at no extra charge. If the customer who requested the service was rude or an a$$hole, or even if Kevin was just in a bad mood that day, he'd grate some of his callouses into the cheese.
I adore grated parmesan. But I will never look at it the same again.


Say cheese, Greg!

Monday, January 25, 2010

Vicious Valets

It's always kinda fun to drop your car off with a valet, isn't it?  You feel all movie star-ish, popping out of your car while handing your keys over to someone else to take care of the mundane details of things like parking.

But as you saunter off to your destination without a care in the world, confident your car is in good hands....

I do have to give them one bit of credit though - they are good drivers. I mean, how do they NOT hit all that concrete surrounding them while they do this crazy stuff? Since I assume they've probably been fired by now, they should probably see if NASCAR is hiring.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Sunday Silliness

I love me some bad tattoos...

Yes, yes, it is so bad.

This one is pretty amazing in it's complexity.  But those aren't generally the kind of globes one uses to map places.

Screaming baby getting eaten by a shark! Surrounded by bloody water!  On an armpit!  So pretty and feminine.

I'm sure girls are totally impressed by this. But why does there appear to be an STD lurking between the shoe heel and the....

well, you know.

This is most likely the whole sum of what is in his head if he thought getting this tattoo was a good idea...

And these next two are totally weird, but show an excellent sense of humor if you ask me!

Friday, January 22, 2010

Boozin' Bookkeeper

One day, our bookkeeper came in looking a bit unsteady, and smelling like a distillery.  She told us she had been to a Bachelorette Party the night before, and it lasted until about three hours before she needed to be at work.  We are a fairly easy goimg group of poeple, and nobody said a word to our boss, who didn't come out of his office much anyway.  It was all fine, until she started writing checks.  She paid wrong amounts to the wrong payees, but the worst was when she added an extra zero to a $1,000 payment.  When the boss found out, she stupidly 'fessed up that it happened because she was drunk. (!!!)


Wow, I'm suprised she got fired.  If I get taken to task by my boss, I always figure my best excuse is to say I was wasted at work and all will be forgiven.  Can't imagine why it didn't work for her.

Cheers to BillyJames for this one!

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Finger Lickin' Good

We have lunch meetings all the time, where we order in food and sit around the table in the conference room.  My colleague, who I will call Jim, is a very, VERY large man.  Morbidly obese.  We actually have to bring in two arm-less chairs for him and push them together so he can sit down.  He's a really nice guy, but he has some unusual habits.  One is that he brings a WHOLE roasted chicken in for lunch every day.  I think he also has some breathing issues, so when he eats, he does so with his mouth wide open.  This drives another colleague, who I will call Jane, batty. 

One day we were at one of these lunch meetings, and Jim was eating his chicken as ususal.  He was covered in chicken grease and chewing loudly with his mouth open.  I could see Jane growing more and more tense, until she finally stood up, slammed both hands down on the table and screamed "Close your mouth, you f*cking pig!"  As soon as it came out of her mouth, she gasped, covered her mouth with her hands,  started to cry and apologize profusely. 

Jim took it all in stride, suprisingly, and said he has heard way, way worse stuff about himself than anything she had said.  Bizarrely enough, Jim and Jane are very good friends now, and he even attended her wedding.

Aw, how sweet.  All's well that end's well and all that. 

I pity poor Jim, though, having to hear worse things about himself than f*cking pig.   My usual funny (or at least I think it's funny, others may not) commentary escapes me on this one, since I just feel kinda.....sad.


Now I have a craving for roasted chicken, JulioJJ.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Terms Of Endearment

A woman I worked with was having an affair with a male coworker.  She thought it was 'loooove'  while he wanted nothing more that an occasional *bleep* (bleep added by me, although I have no problem with words like *bleep*, or *bleeping* or *bleepity-bleep*.  I just don't want to offend anyone else who may be less crass than me.  Or who may be reading at work).

One day she found out the 'terms of endearment' he was referring to her as when he spoke to other male coworkers.  They included slam piece, easy lay, etc.  Spreads as easy as warm butter was my favorite.  (Sorry, I couldn't bleep these.  'Cause they're kinda funny.)  She ran over to his cubicle crying, and grabbed whatever she could reach on his desk and hurled it at him.  Coffee (while still in a mug), cellphone, random papers.  I think the stapler probably hurt the worst.

They were both summoned to the boss's office, and given a lecture on proper work demeanor and inter-office dating.  As far as I know, they have never spoken to or even looked at each other again.

Well, THAT must have made for a tension-free office environment, no?

I'm sure all the rest of the ladies in the office were lining up to date him.  What girl doesn't swoon at being called slam piece?

Never heard that warm butter one before, JerryCola45!

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

A Correction (Of Sorts)

A reader of this here 'lil ole blog (Hi, Andrew!)  made me aware that some of the Darwin Awards I posted the other day may be inaccurate, kinda like this one for instance, and he was kind enough to check out Snopes for me.  He writes:

Sorry, but I think your Darwin Awards entry may be a tad off. I didn't check them all, but at least one of them is pretty much known to be false:

the JATO winner: see

I went and looked on, but didn't see your list. I found a very different list. You should check it out.

I don't mean to hurl egg on your face, but please check out snopes whenever someone sends you something that sounds a little questionable.

My Dad had sent me the awards run-down, and I didn't think to check if he was involved in proliferating bogus information (just kidding, Daddy!  Not throwing you under the bus here or anything!!).

So I guess the lesson here is: (you think I'm gonna say always check your facts, right?)

Take me with a grain of salt, 'cause I can be mistaken here and there.  I'm just here to provide some chuckles. 

Plus I'm  lazy.  Facts, schmacts, I always say (Well not really.  This is the first time I have ever said that.  But you get the point).

Thanks, Andrew!  And stop hurling those eggs, will ya? ;)

Monday, January 18, 2010

The Candy (Wo)Man

Today's is short but "sweet":

I worked with a woman who definitely had an eating disorder.  She literally survived on nothing but coffee and Skittles.  Morning, noon and night.

The sweet part I mentioned was the Skittles, of course.

If that's all she eats, one day she is gonna simply disappear into thin air, just leaving behind a vague scent of Skittle-ish coffee...

As for me, if I had to choose a particular sort of candy to live on, it would have to be Snickers.  Those suckers are good.

Make sure to get your four food groups, HollyNewcombe!  Or is it five?  I think I got a D in Health class...

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Sunday Funday

Facebook is a fun social networking tool. 

Well, most of the time....

I really, REALLY love this one.

"Let's have it at Justin's house, he's GREAT at keeping secrets!"

I'm predicting Patrick loses a girlfriend in this new year.

Just go along with it, okay Greg? 

And then ask for a loan.

Makes me think of Tweeting Twit...

"Mom! I told you not to read what I posted for the whole world to see!  I have SOME standards, ya know?"

I really want to know what "Micheal" is permanently invited to.

And whether it's Tracy who can't spell or was it "Micheal's" mom.

Or, I suppose, maybe even the nurse who wrote out the birth certificate.  I have heard that's how Oprah got her name - her mother had planned on naming her Orpah which is apparently a biblical name, but the nurse transposed some letters.

Enough trivia tidbits, moving on...

"Darius!  I'm totally LMAO at the fact that you just informed my dad that you ejaculated on the back seat of my car!  What could be, like, funnier?"

You know JoeMc was out in her car with a blacklight to see if there were any stains caused by "that black guy".   Nice phrasing there, apparently he is as big of a doofus as his spawn.

Friday, January 15, 2010

Tongue Wagging

Got ya all a good one for Friday...

I used to work with a woman who was out of her mind.  I will start with the small stuff.  Keep in mind that all these bizarre activities weren't done just in front of coworkers, but her bosses also. 

She used to come into people's offices and put her feet on their desks.  If there was a sweater or jacket in your office, there was always the possibility she might come in, put it on and wander off, leaving you to find your item where ever she might have left it.  She would play with her boobs in meetings, like adjusting them and squishing them around in her top.  One time she even sat through a meeting making Scotch tape loops and then putting them down her shirt, saying it was showing too much and she needed to tape it down.  Most people would do that in private, obviously.

The craziest episode was one day during a lunch meeting in the conference room.  We knew she was nuts by then, so when she said "Do you want to see what I can do?" We all said "NO!"  But she did it anyway...

She started by massaging both sides of her neck vigorously.  After a while, she opened her mouth and stuck out her tongue.  Her tongue was the scariest thing I have ever seen.  It was all huge and engorged, with a big swollen ball on the end.  Not to be crude, but very much like an erect penis.  Somehow her neck rubbing caused her tongue to become puffed up with blood.  As we all sat frozen in shock, she grabbed her tongue, wiggled it around to release some of the blood, then pulled it straight down and under her chin.  We all got up and ran from the room, but she still didn't get that she was insane and these were not normal office activities.

In case you're curious, coworkers have told me there are examples of other people doing this same thing on YouTube.

Okay, I tried to find these videos.  But you would be amazed and quite possibly horrified when you look for videos using the search terms tongue, erect, and massage.  So I gave up before I became permanently traumatized.

I gotta go and bleach my brain....

I hope your company pays for your therapy, HighHeelLvr!

Thursday, January 14, 2010

2009 Darwin Awards

It's that time again... The Darwin Awards are finally out, the annual honor given to the persons who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way.

This year's winner was a real rocket scientist.... HONEST!

Read on...And remember that each and every one of these is a TRUE STORY.

And the nominees were:

Semifinalist #1

A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply, because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he rushed to vomit into the fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire burned his house down, killing both him and his unfortunate sister.

Semifinalist #2

Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and crashed.
They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around their ankles (HARD to control light airplanes when everyone moves to one side).

Semifinalist #3

A 22-year-old Reston , VA man was found dead after he tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot rail road trestle. Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast food worker, taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped an end around one foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby. 'The length of the cord that he had assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the ground,' Carmichael said.

Police say the apparent cause of death was 'Major trauma.'

Semifinalist #4

A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The friend -- no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate -- was hospitalized.

Semifinalist #5

Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc.

After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the dark.. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter.

Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of as ''bright'' by his peers.

Now, to the winner of this year's Darwin Award
(awarded, as always, posthumously):

The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering metal embedded in the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a curve. The wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it was a car. The type of car was unidentifiable at the scene. Police investigators finally pieced together the mystery. An amateur rocket scientist ... had somehow gotten hold of a JATO unit (Jet Assisted Take Off, actually a solid fuel rocket) that is used to give heavy military transport planes an extra 'push' for taking off from short airfields. He had driven his Chevy Impala out into the desert and found a long, straight stretch of road. He attached the JATO unit to the car, jumped in, got up some speed and fired off the JATO!

The facts as best as could be determined are that the operator of the 1967 Impala hit the JATO ignition at a distance of approximately 3.0 miles from the crash site. This was established by the scorched and melted asphalt at that location.

The JATO, if operating properly, would have reached maximum thrust within 5 seconds, causing the Chevy to reach speeds well in excess of 350 mph and continuing at full power for an additional 20-25 seconds.

The driver, and soon to be pilot, would have experienced G-forces usually reserved for dog fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners, causing him to become irrelevant for the remainder of the event. However, the
automobile remained on the straight highway for about 2.5 miles (15-20 seconds) before the driver applied and completely melted the brakes, blowing the tires and leaving thick rubber marks on the road surface, then becoming airborne for an additional 1.4 miles and impacting the cliff face at a height of 125 feet leaving a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock. Most of the driver's remains were not recoverable. However, small fragments of bone, teeth and hair were extracted from the crater, and fingernail and bone shards were removed from a piece of debris believed to be a portion of the steering wheel.

Epilogue: It has been calculated that this moron attained a ground speed of approximately 420-mph, though much of his voyage was not actually on the ground.

You couldn't make this stuff up, could you?

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Teacher Of The Year

I am a Kindergarten teacher. At my school, I have a classroom that is connected to another teacher's classroom by a swinging door. My neighboring teacher was always a bit high-strung to say the least. She always told other faculty how much the kids pissed her off, and she had a particular dislike for a couple of her students. Truly, I have no idea why she ever became a teacher, except maybe because she likes her summers off. Anyway, one day I hear her start to yell. But not just yell, I hear her screaming at her students that they are a bunch of spoiled, evil little sh*ts, and she wished their parents had used birth control.
Wait, that's it?  What happened to her?  Did the 'powers that be' just say, "You're right, they ARE a bunch of evil sh*ts!  Bravo!" and let her keep teaching?

Don't leave us hanging, Stringer!

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Macho Man

I work as a bartender.  The bartender who works most of my shifts alongside me is a very good looking guy.  He is always flirting with the female customers, and they adore him.  They all want to go out with him, but he's very coy and plays hard-to-get.  He is also a total "man's man", all macho with the male patrons, commenting on women's boobs and butts. He rakes in the tips.

He should win an Oscar for acting though, because as soon as he gets off duty he becomes his real self - very flamboyantly gay and he enjoys frequenting clubs dressed in drag.

He and I have some great laughs after our shifts, recounting the women drooling over him and the men pointing out boobs to him that he couldn't care less about. 

I corrected what I assume was your typo for you.  Unless the two of you really DO have great laughs after your sh*ts.  If so, email me and I can change it back.

Happy bartending to ya, PinkyEll!

Monday, January 11, 2010

Call Of Doody

Warning:  If you are about to eat, stop reading now.

I warned ya....

I had a boss who was an absolute tyrant.  When we had meetings, no one was allowed to leave the room for any reason.  He was afraid someone might miss one of his precious gems of wisdom, and he'd have to (the horror!) repeat himself.  So he made it very clear that we had to take care of our bathroom and other needs before the meeting, as no interruptions were permitted.

We were in a meeting one day when one of our co-workers, I will call her Marcy, did not look well. She was pale and sweaty, but knew she had to stay put or recieve the wrath of the boss.  She was squirming a bit in her seat when all of a sudden this noxious odor filled the air.  Yup, she had sudden and explosive diarrhea.  It soaked through her pants and onto the chair, and as she stood up to run to the bathroom, it wasn't stopping, and was running down her legs and dripping onto the floor.  It was the most disgusting thing any of us had seen, and we all went runnning from the room also, gagging as we went.  Poor Marcy stayed in the bathroom until it abated, and we brought her plastic garbage bags for her pants and loaned her an extra pair of sweatpants someone had on hand  for gym purposes so she could go home.

Our boss didn't have any sympathy whatsoever. He called Marcy sickly and weak.  As for Marcy herself she quit over the phone and never came back.  I did hear she sued our boss and the company for these inhumane policies, but as we all know the wheels of justice turn slowly and I left the company before the matter was resolved.
Wow, I have such pity for Marcy, yet I am also incredibly nauseated. 

Was the conference room closed off permanently as a biohazard?  And. more importantly, did anyone ever have to sit in Marcy's chair?

Thanks to HarvardHoney37, for this totally sh*tty submission.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Sunday Funnies

Fun with the news:

I think we've found our suspect...

I wonder who was the poor schmuck that had to stay behind and get this on screen while everyone else was running for their lives?

Long lasting, for those extra creepy families.

So exciting, I hope the residents can stay composed...rather than decomposed.


Well, THAT had to hurt.

And most likely resulted in:

Friday, January 8, 2010

Marty Grass For President

I worked with a woman who was rather dim.  Luckily, her job was pretty much just basic filing, although sometimes I even questioned her grasp of the alphabet.  Anyway, some of my favorite moments:

When one of our colleagues went to retrive a folder she had filed, he couldn't find it.  When he asked her, we found out she was filing according to FIRST names.  So the sections with common names, such as J with all the Johns and Jameses, were stuffed.

In February, there were signs all over town about Mardi Gras celebrations.  She came in to work and said "Who is Marty Grass?  Is he running for president?"

She heard people talking about using sick time for "mental health days".  She then told our boss she would be mentally sick the next day and needed the day off.
That's actually sort of...sad.

That Marty Grass ran a great campaign, doncha think?  He sponsored half priced drinks at my local bar in February...that gets my vote!

Good luck straightening out your files, JeannieLTR!

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Tweeting Twit

I worked with a young woman who was addicted to all that Facebooking and Tweeting crap. She would actually update her status on Facebook and tweet continously during the workday. Her really dumb move though was to request our boss as her friend. The boss took note that she was wasting time online all day, and took her to task on it...and guess what? As soon as the boss left her desk, she went on Facebook to say "Omg, my boss is so mean to me all the time, I think she has something against me but I just don't know what!!" The boss sees this, and confronts her again the next day on it, letting her know she doesn't 'have anything against her' but she needs her to WORK and not PLAY on Facebook. Next day rolls around, this woman calls out sick. But her Facebook says:

"Can't take work stress so took a mental health day! Beachin' it!"

So then it was Bye, Bye, Facebook queen!

Did she forget she 'friended' her boss? 'Cause that just ain't too smart.

Okay, time to go de-friend my boss and update my status...

Thanks for the tip on what NOT to do, KellyAnders!

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

In The News: The Weirdest Of 2009

Finger Lickin' Good: Don't Try This At Home

By Ed Orum

There's a certain chicken chain where "finger lickin' good" has proved to be advertising gold.

This isn't a story about that.

It's the tale of former British supermarket employee who has taken the idea to a new level of bizarreness.

30-year old Adeel Ayub is facing criminal charges for, among other things, licking raw chickens and placing them back on store shelves for unsuspecting shoppers. Digest that for a minute while you ponder how he didn't contract salmonella, and you're probably wondering why anyone would do such a thing. As they say on TV, "But Wait, That's Not All!"

Seems Ayub was dumb enough to let a co-worker tape the shenanigans.

The video is now making the rounds online, and it shows some of the laundry list of offenses including urinating into garbage cans, throwing raw eggs, slashing his colleagues' clothes, discharging fire extinguishers and playing rock star in the break room by tearing up the place. There was also a game of stockroom baseball with items destined for store shelves.

Ayub worked for four years at the British supermarket chain Asda, which is owned by Walmart. While he has already apologized for the antics - which took place a few years ago - he gives no reason for his extra-curricular activities. He's due in court later this month.

So of course I searched for the video, so you don't have to:

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

In The News: Weirdest Of 2009

 Employee Stabs Himself To Get Out Of Work

How far would you go to get out of work? The Denver Post reports that one man was actually willing to harm himself physically.

29-year-old Aaron Siebers walked into work at Blockbuster Video Monday night with a deep stab wound in his leg along with several other superficial knife wounds. He told his boss that he had been stabbed by three men dressed in black then reported it to the police.

Five police agencies and a K-9 unit formed a manhunt to search for the suspects. Detectives also interviewed Siebers and reviewed videos from a nearby Target's surveillance cameras. Unfortunately for Siebers, the footage showed him walking from his bus stop to the store with no indication of an injury.

After further questioning, Siebers finally confessed that he actually had stabbed himself because he didn't want to go to work. He was arrested and charged with two misdemeanors -- false reporting and obstructing a police officer.

The moral of the story according to the Police Department's spokesperson "If you are going to concoct a story about being stabbed, don't do it near a Target store."
The PD's spokesperson added "Near a Wal-mart. yeah, fine, go ahead and stab yourself, but by Target it's a no-no."

Monday, January 4, 2010

In The News: The Weirdest Of 2009

The $1 Million Striptease
By Ed Orum
After suffering through eight years of being harassed by her male colleagues, a British businesswoman wants her final paycheck - $1 million dollars.

Haley Tansey is suing her former employer for all the ways she was wronged over the years as a traveling loan manager at a bank. Testimony from her ongoing trial sounds like the storyline of a late night cable movie!

How's this for creepy? The married mother of one says she once woke up in a hotel room with the feeling of being watched. When she opened her eyes, she saw her male colleague standing over her bed, watching her sleep. Asking him to scram only made matters worse - he went into the bathroom and came out naked!

The two weren't sharing a room - the co-worker had managed to sneak his way in by telling a hotel employee he was her boyfriend and was too drunk to open the door.

Part of that was correct - the man was apparently pretty tipsy - some reports say he downed ten beers before the stripping stunt. Earlier that night, Tansey thought she was in the clear after successfully avoiding flirtatious advances from the married father of three before they retired to their respective rooms.

While this might be the most bizarre story to come out of the trial, apparently there are plenty of other reasons that forced Tansey to quit her job - including colleagues bragging about their bedroom antics, the exchange of X-rated DVDs and "grading" the female staff.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Sunday Silliness

Despite dumbed down exams, some pupils take a creative approach to tricky questions.  You won't know whether to laugh - or cry.