At the clothuing store I worked at, I had a coworker that I will call Jenny. Jenny had a problem. You see, she had a nose job in her teens that left her with no feeling in her nose and right below it. Plus she had allergies. When her nose ran, she had no idea it was even running. She would be taking care of customers at the checkout with big trails of snot hanging down over her upper lip. My favorite Jenny moment was when her nose actually DRIPPED on a woman's purchase, after which the woman said, "I am NOT taking that one."
I worked at a supermarket deli years ago, and one guy I worked with (I will call him Kevin) had another job in construction. Since he worked with his hands a lot, they were very rough and calloused. Anyway...
The deli had a service where if the customer brought us a block of cheese, we would grate it for them at no extra charge. If the customer who requested the service was rude or an a$$hole, or even if Kevin was just in a bad mood that day, he'd grate some of his callouses into the cheese.I adore grated parmesan. But I will never look at it the same again.
One day, our bookkeeper came in looking a bit unsteady, and smelling like a distillery. She told us she had been to a Bachelorette Party the night before, and it lasted until about three hours before she needed to be at work. We are a fairly easy goimg group of poeple, and nobody said a word to our boss, who didn't come out of his office much anyway. It was all fine, until she started writing checks. She paid wrong amounts to the wrong payees, but the worst was when she added an extra zero to a $1,000 payment. When the boss found out, she stupidly 'fessed up that it happened because she was drunk. (!!!)
Fired!!
We have lunch meetings all the time, where we order in food and sit around the table in the conference room. My colleague, who I will call Jim, is a very, VERY large man. Morbidly obese. We actually have to bring in two arm-less chairs for him and push them together so he can sit down. He's a really nice guy, but he has some unusual habits. One is that he brings a WHOLE roasted chicken in for lunch every day. I think he also has some breathing issues, so when he eats, he does so with his mouth wide open. This drives another colleague, who I will call Jane, batty.
One day we were at one of these lunch meetings, and Jim was eating his chicken as ususal. He was covered in chicken grease and chewing loudly with his mouth open. I could see Jane growing more and more tense, until she finally stood up, slammed both hands down on the table and screamed "Close your mouth, you f*cking pig!" As soon as it came out of her mouth, she gasped, covered her mouth with her hands, started to cry and apologize profusely.
Jim took it all in stride, suprisingly, and said he has heard way, way worse stuff about himself than anything she had said. Bizarrely enough, Jim and Jane are very good friends now, and he even attended her wedding.
A woman I worked with was having an affair with a male coworker. She thought it was 'loooove' while he wanted nothing more that an occasional *bleep* (bleep added by me, although I have no problem with words like *bleep*, or *bleeping* or *bleepity-bleep*. I just don't want to offend anyone else who may be less crass than me. Or who may be reading at work).
One day she found out the 'terms of endearment' he was referring to her as when he spoke to other male coworkers. They included slam piece, easy lay, etc. Spreads as easy as warm butter was my favorite. (Sorry, I couldn't bleep these. 'Cause they're kinda funny.) She ran over to his cubicle crying, and grabbed whatever she could reach on his desk and hurled it at him. Coffee (while still in a mug), cellphone, random papers. I think the stapler probably hurt the worst.
They were both summoned to the boss's office, and given a lecture on proper work demeanor and inter-office dating. As far as I know, they have never spoken to or even looked at each other again.
Sorry, but I think your Darwin Awards entry may be a tad off. I didn't check them all, but at least one of them is pretty much known to be false:My Dad had sent me the awards run-down, and I didn't think to check if he was involved in proliferating bogus information (just kidding, Daddy! Not throwing you under the bus here or anything!!).
the JATO winner: see snopes.com/autos/dream/jato.asp
I went and looked on darwinawards.com, but didn't see your list. I found a very different list. You should check it out.
I don't mean to hurl egg on your face, but please check out snopes whenever someone sends you something that sounds a little questionable.
I worked with a woman who definitely had an eating disorder. She literally survived on nothing but coffee and Skittles. Morning, noon and night.
I used to work with a woman who was out of her mind. I will start with the small stuff. Keep in mind that all these bizarre activities weren't done just in front of coworkers, but her bosses also.
She used to come into people's offices and put her feet on their desks. If there was a sweater or jacket in your office, there was always the possibility she might come in, put it on and wander off, leaving you to find your item where ever she might have left it. She would play with her boobs in meetings, like adjusting them and squishing them around in her top. One time she even sat through a meeting making Scotch tape loops and then putting them down her shirt, saying it was showing too much and she needed to tape it down. Most people would do that in private, obviously.
The craziest episode was one day during a lunch meeting in the conference room. We knew she was nuts by then, so when she said "Do you want to see what I can do?" We all said "NO!" But she did it anyway...
She started by massaging both sides of her neck vigorously. After a while, she opened her mouth and stuck out her tongue. Her tongue was the scariest thing I have ever seen. It was all huge and engorged, with a big swollen ball on the end. Not to be crude, but very much like an erect penis. Somehow her neck rubbing caused her tongue to become puffed up with blood. As we all sat frozen in shock, she grabbed her tongue, wiggled it around to release some of the blood, then pulled it straight down and under her chin. We all got up and ran from the room, but she still didn't get that she was insane and these were not normal office activities.
In case you're curious, coworkers have told me there are examples of other people doing this same thing on YouTube.
I am a Kindergarten teacher. At my school, I have a classroom that is connected to another teacher's classroom by a swinging door. My neighboring teacher was always a bit high-strung to say the least. She always told other faculty how much the kids pissed her off, and she had a particular dislike for a couple of her students. Truly, I have no idea why she ever became a teacher, except maybe because she likes her summers off. Anyway, one day I hear her start to yell. But not just yell, I hear her screaming at her students that they are a bunch of spoiled, evil little sh*ts, and she wished their parents had used birth control.Wait, that's it? What happened to her? Did the 'powers that be' just say, "You're right, they ARE a bunch of evil sh*ts! Bravo!" and let her keep teaching?
I work as a bartender. The bartender who works most of my shifts alongside me is a very good looking guy. He is always flirting with the female customers, and they adore him. They all want to go out with him, but he's very coy and plays hard-to-get. He is also a total "man's man", all macho with the male patrons, commenting on women's boobs and butts. He rakes in the tips.
He should win an Oscar for acting though, because as soon as he gets off duty he becomes his real self - very flamboyantly gay and he enjoys frequenting clubs dressed in drag.
He and I have some great laughs after our shifts, recounting the women drooling over him and the men pointing out boobs to him that he couldn't care less about.
I had a boss who was an absolute tyrant. When we had meetings, no one was allowed to leave the room for any reason. He was afraid someone might miss one of his precious gems of wisdom, and he'd have to (the horror!) repeat himself. So he made it very clear that we had to take care of our bathroom and other needs before the meeting, as no interruptions were permitted.Wow, I have such pity for Marcy, yet I am also incredibly nauseated.
We were in a meeting one day when one of our co-workers, I will call her Marcy, did not look well. She was pale and sweaty, but knew she had to stay put or recieve the wrath of the boss. She was squirming a bit in her seat when all of a sudden this noxious odor filled the air. Yup, she had sudden and explosive diarrhea. It soaked through her pants and onto the chair, and as she stood up to run to the bathroom, it wasn't stopping, and was running down her legs and dripping onto the floor. It was the most disgusting thing any of us had seen, and we all went runnning from the room also, gagging as we went. Poor Marcy stayed in the bathroom until it abated, and we brought her plastic garbage bags for her pants and loaned her an extra pair of sweatpants someone had on hand for gym purposes so she could go home.
Our boss didn't have any sympathy whatsoever. He called Marcy sickly and weak. As for Marcy herself she quit over the phone and never came back. I did hear she sued our boss and the company for these inhumane policies, but as we all know the wheels of justice turn slowly and I left the company before the matter was resolved.
I worked with a woman who was rather dim. Luckily, her job was pretty much just basic filing, although sometimes I even questioned her grasp of the alphabet. Anyway, some of my favorite moments:That's actually sort of...sad.
When one of our colleagues went to retrive a folder she had filed, he couldn't find it. When he asked her, we found out she was filing according to FIRST names. So the sections with common names, such as J with all the Johns and Jameses, were stuffed.
In February, there were signs all over town about Mardi Gras celebrations. She came in to work and said "Who is Marty Grass? Is he running for president?"
She heard people talking about using sick time for "mental health days". She then told our boss she would be mentally sick the next day and needed the day off.
I worked with a young woman who was addicted to all that Facebooking and Tweeting crap. She would actually update her status on Facebook and tweet continously during the workday. Her really dumb move though was to request our boss as her friend. The boss took note that she was wasting time online all day, and took her to task on it...and guess what? As soon as the boss left her desk, she went on Facebook to say "Omg, my boss is so mean to me all the time, I think she has something against me but I just don't know what!!" The boss sees this, and confronts her again the next day on it, letting her know she doesn't 'have anything against her' but she needs her to WORK and not PLAY on Facebook. Next day rolls around, this woman calls out sick. But her Facebook says:
"Can't take work stress so took a mental health day! Beachin' it!"
So then it was Bye, Bye, Facebook queen!
Finger Lickin' Good: Don't Try This At HomeSo of course I searched for the video, so you don't have to:
By Ed Orum
There's a certain chicken chain where "finger lickin' good" has proved to be advertising gold.
This isn't a story about that.
It's the tale of former British supermarket employee who has taken the idea to a new level of bizarreness.
30-year old Adeel Ayub is facing criminal charges for, among other things, licking raw chickens and placing them back on store shelves for unsuspecting shoppers. Digest that for a minute while you ponder how he didn't contract salmonella, and you're probably wondering why anyone would do such a thing. As they say on TV, "But Wait, That's Not All!"
Seems Ayub was dumb enough to let a co-worker tape the shenanigans.
The video is now making the rounds online, and it shows some of the laundry list of offenses including urinating into garbage cans, throwing raw eggs, slashing his colleagues' clothes, discharging fire extinguishers and playing rock star in the break room by tearing up the place. There was also a game of stockroom baseball with items destined for store shelves.
Ayub worked for four years at the British supermarket chain Asda, which is owned by Walmart. While he has already apologized for the antics - which took place a few years ago - he gives no reason for his extra-curricular activities. He's due in court later this month.
Employee Stabs Himself To Get Out Of WorkThe PD's spokesperson added "Near a Wal-mart. yeah, fine, go ahead and stab yourself, but by Target it's a no-no."
How far would you go to get out of work? The Denver Post reports that one man was actually willing to harm himself physically.
29-year-old Aaron Siebers walked into work at Blockbuster Video Monday night with a deep stab wound in his leg along with several other superficial knife wounds. He told his boss that he had been stabbed by three men dressed in black then reported it to the police.
Five police agencies and a K-9 unit formed a manhunt to search for the suspects. Detectives also interviewed Siebers and reviewed videos from a nearby Target's surveillance cameras. Unfortunately for Siebers, the footage showed him walking from his bus stop to the store with no indication of an injury.
After further questioning, Siebers finally confessed that he actually had stabbed himself because he didn't want to go to work. He was arrested and charged with two misdemeanors -- false reporting and obstructing a police officer.
The moral of the story according to the Police Department's spokesperson "If you are going to concoct a story about being stabbed, don't do it near a Target store."
The $1 Million Striptease
By Ed Orum
After suffering through eight years of being harassed by her male colleagues, a British businesswoman wants her final paycheck - $1 million dollars.
Haley Tansey is suing her former employer for all the ways she was wronged over the years as a traveling loan manager at a bank. Testimony from her ongoing trial sounds like the storyline of a late night cable movie!
How's this for creepy? The married mother of one says she once woke up in a hotel room with the feeling of being watched. When she opened her eyes, she saw her male colleague standing over her bed, watching her sleep. Asking him to scram only made matters worse - he went into the bathroom and came out naked!
The two weren't sharing a room - the co-worker had managed to sneak his way in by telling a hotel employee he was her boyfriend and was too drunk to open the door.
Part of that was correct - the man was apparently pretty tipsy - some reports say he downed ten beers before the stripping stunt. Earlier that night, Tansey thought she was in the clear after successfully avoiding flirtatious advances from the married father of three before they retired to their respective rooms.
While this might be the most bizarre story to come out of the trial, apparently there are plenty of other reasons that forced Tansey to quit her job - including colleagues bragging about their bedroom antics, the exchange of X-rated DVDs and "grading" the female staff.
