How to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity in the Workplace:

1.Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

2.Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after you boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is of a different gender than you.)

3.Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. "That's a good point, Sparky." "No, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to disagree with you there, Cha-cha."

4.Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them exactly what you're doing. For example: "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."

5.Hi-Lite your shoes. Tell people you haven't lost them as much since you did this.

6.While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in Palmolive liquid. Call everyone Madge.

7.Hang mosquito netting around your cubicle. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day. When you do emerge to get coffee or a printout or whatever, slap yourself randomly the whole way.

8.Put a chair facing a printer. Sit there all day and tell people you're waiting for your document.

9.Every time someone asks you to do something, anything, ask them if they want fries with that.

10.Send e-mail back and forth to yourself engaging yourself in an intellectual debate. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement.

11.Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair- dancing.

12.Put your trash can on your desk. Label it "IN."

13.Feign an unnatural and hysterical fear of staplers.

14.Send e-mail messages saying there's free pizza or donuts or cake in the lunchroom. When people drift back to work complaining that they found none, lean back, pat your stomach and say, "Oh you've got to be faster than that."

15.Put decaf in the coffeemaker for three weeks. Once everyone has withdrawn from caffeine addiction, switch to espresso.

16.At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

17. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy".

18. Dont use any punctuation marks

19. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

20. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.

21. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".

22. Sing along at the opera.

23. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

24. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.

25. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard Kim.

26. When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won!", "I won!" "3 times this week!!!!!"

27. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling, "run for your lives, they're loose!!"

28. Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."