Happy Valentine's Day!

These are entries to a Washington Post competition asking for a two line rhyme with the most romantic first line, but the least romantic second line:

(Did the Washington Post really have this competition?  I really don't know.  I got this from my very first Valentine, my Dad, and we know how his stuff can be:  see Correction.  But I find it amusing, so who cares.  Thanks, Dad, love ya!  Keep sending me stuff!)

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:

Marrying you screwed up my life.

I see your face when I am dreaming.

That's why I always wake up screaming.

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;

This describes everything you are not.

Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,

But I only slept with you because I was pissed.

I thought that I could love no other

that is until I met your brother.

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.

But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead,

the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

I want to feel your sweet embrace;

But don't take that paper bag off your face.

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes .......

Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

My love, you take my breath away.

What have you stepped in to smell this way?

My feelings for you no words can tell,

Except for maybe 'Go to hell.'

What inspired this amorous rhyme?

Two parts vodka, one part lime