Half Price Sale on Slightly Stained Dresses - Today Only!

More gross bodily fluids from Teana....

Joe went out one day for a liquid lunch with all our coworkers, then suddenly got up and left the table while everyone was still eating. We saw him back at the office, but no one asked him where he had suddenly went off to during lunch. When we had been back at the office about an hour or so, the police came in and took Joe out in handcuffs. So what happened? Well...

After he left lunch, he went to a local clothing store that sold teenager-y kind of stuff. He went behind a rack and proceeded to 'pleasure himself'. A clerk saw him and screamed, he ran out, but the clerk managed to get his license plate number. Hence the cops in the office an hour later.

He was not fired since he agreed to get treatment.

I'm wondering if the clothes on that rack were on sale for a reduced price after that?

Burger Boy fills us in on something so disgusting I have to turn off my brain while typing it to avoid heaving on my keyboard....

I worked in a burger place. We had a jerk who came in for lunch every single day and was one nasty a$$hole. The guy I worked with behind the counter came up with a special revenge for this guy. One day he'd rub his privates on the burger before giving it to him. Another time he fried his burger in pee. My favorite was when he'd pluck a hair from down below and place it between the cheese and the burger.

I am SO. GROSSED. OUT.

Did he wash his hands before his next customer? Because the way I see it, not only was the jerk getting this treatment, but all the other customers after him where getting - ahem, how shall I say it? - the residual after effects.

*heave*

Paul tells us...

I was at a party with my coworkers and we were all sitting around a table talking. I should probably mention that the drinks were flowing that evening. Anyway, one woman I worked wth suddenly breaks into the conversation and says "Let's all hold hands and pray for Green Peace." And she was SERIOUS. So naturally, me and some of my other inebriated cohorts start laughing and sayng "Why should we pray for green peas? Is there some vegetable blight or something?" We kept up with the green peas thing for a bit, until she ran from the table crying. We weren't mean to her or anything, she was just so upset that none of us would take Green Peace prayers seriously.

Maybe she'd have gotten a better reaction with a more well liked vegetable. Corn maybe, or carrots. Personally, if someone asked me to pray for lima beans I would. I like those little suckers.

You Gonna Eat That?

Howie makes us a bit nauseous today...

I worked with a woman who was very proud of the fact that she was having sex with one of the guys that worked with us. She was a rather large woman with seeemingly questionable hygiene, so I guess so wanted to let everyone know how this guy apparently found her hot. She was constantly telling us things we NEVER wanted to hear about their escapades - how they would do it in her car in the parking lot, stay late at work and go at it in the bathrooms and stuff like that. One day we were having a morning meeting in the conference room (breakfast provided). She leans over to me, points at the middle of the table directly under the plate of bagels and whispers "We did it right there last night!"

I didn't have any bagels. And tried to touch the table as little as possible.

Lysol anyone? *barf*

Scary Clown

Mandy's got one for us today...

I worked with this guy who seriously looked like a scary clown. Red round nose, crazy hair, etc. He had major anger issues and would punch his office walls on a continual basis, making big holes and TWICE breaking his hand. He would try to cover the holes with tape, but that didn't really do much but make them even more noticeable. When we moved out of that office we couldn't get our security deposit back because of all the damage in his office.

Scary clown is kind of redundant, no? I mean, what clown ISN'T scary?

Random Pictures

Ok, these really don't have anything to do with crazy people or working with them, but someone sent me these in an email and I had to share just cause they cracked me up so much:

Here's Dick, with the weather:





And the Mother of the Year Award goes to....





And the gift for the person who has everything! (Don't you just wish you had seen this in time for Father's Day! Oh well, there's always next year)

Maybe Crime Does Pay....

Sal says:

We had a salesguy at work who was doing really well, selling projects like crazy and getting paid major commissions on these sales. That's all well and good except....he never actually sold anything. This was discovered when he literally took the money and ran. Management was so embarrassed that they were conned by this guy that they never pursued him. He also claimed to be a Navy Seal - not true, and if anyone questioned him on it, he'd claim all information was classified to get him out of the fact that he knew nothing about actual Navy Seals. Weirdest of all, we googled him after he left and found out that while he was working for us he had another job in another state - as a host of a TV exercise program of all things.

Please don't tell me this is Jack LaLanne and tarnish my golden image of him in all his 100 year old glory...