Sunday Silliness

Fail Blog has some pretty funny stuff:

I love how he has molded himself to the shape of the bumper.  He may have some stiff neck issues when he comes to wakes up, though.

Kiddie birthday + cake with huge penis.  And yet no one seems the least bit disturbed by this.

Lovely family photo.  Three generations - even Grandpa is in it.  No matter that one of the generations is no longer breathing.  Definite Christmas Card this year!

Is that hair?  How do you DO that?  WHY would you do that?

Just.....ew.

Rather creative, I think.

No helmet for your child, no problem!   A plastic bag will protect his head from any injury, plus provide added protection from rain.  Just remove for a minute or two if he starts turning blue.

Should be Pretty Prostitute Makeup Kit.

Mortuary Madness Part Two

More funeral parlor weirdness!

We hired a girl to do the makeup (someone's got to do it).  Problem was, she slathered it on like people were going to be in a pageant rather than to the great beyond.  The women wound up looking like hookers.  She didn't use eyeshadow on the men, luckily, but she still piled on the foundation, blusher and even lipstick. They came out a bit transvestite-ish.

We had to let her go.  Too many people were offended by their deceased loved ones looking like prostitutes and cross-dressers.

That's one of those jobs you never really think about.  And for good reason, because I am totally creeped out now.

Do you have to the makeup yourself now, Dan the Funeral Man?

Mortuary Madness

My family owns a funeral parlor.  It's a big house, and we live above the funeral parlor itself, on the second floor, which I am sure will creep some people out.  But since I have been living here since birth, I'm so used to it that it doesn't seem weird to me at all.  I have always worked for the family biz, and when my dad retired and moved to Florida, I took over completely.

One time my staff made a pretty significant mistake.  We had two viewings that day, and the men both had similar names, we will call them John Robertson and Robert Johnson.  The staff put John R. in one viewing room, but put out the flowers and the placard for Robert J.  And vice versa in Robert J.'s room.

Imagine both family's surprise when they arrived to say good-bye to their loved one and.....it wasn't him.  There was much shuffling and confusion to rectify that mess.

Your Dad worked at a funeral parlor all those years and retired in Florida?  You would think he'd want to get away from old corpses.  Just kidding, Floridians, I love your state!  Especially as I look out the window at more snow.

We have more from Dan the Funeral Man tomorrow!

Celebrity Insanity

What can be more fun than when a celebrity goes a little nutty?

We'll start with the most famous, which I'm pretty sure EVERYONE has seen, but it's still entertaining enough to watch again.



Mike Tyson most certainly seems to have several screws loose:



Good old Mel Gibson. He was once one of the biggest movie stars, and people adored him. Then he became an angry, offensive drunk. And now a very cranky interviewee.





I don't think Quentin Tarantino likes this woman very much:



We thought Bjork's swan dress was crazy:

Sunday Funday

Well, maybe not Funday, maybe more like Creepyday.  What follows are some vintage Valentine's Day cards. Some plain weird, and others downright horrifying. (Yeah, I'm a week late.  It happens.)

Yeah, screw you, there's plenty more fish in the sea.  Oh yeah, and be my Valentine, will ya?

Are you sure they didn't mean pork instead of pig?

I don't know what this says, but I find the rabbit terrifying. 

And the bestiality theme rather weird.

I don't even know what to say about this grammatically challenged mess of offensiveness.

How 'bout I hold this fiery hot brand to your ass for minute, so everyone knows you're my Valentine?

Sick Time

Pharmacy I worked at had a germ freak.  When she worked the pharmacy counter, she was so freaked out that she would catch whatever the customer was getting medicine for that she wore latex gloves and a surgical mask.

She was told to cut it out because she freaked out the customers.

Ya know, I actually think of that sometimes.  For example, receptionists in doctor's offices.  How do they NOT catch a million different things? Wonder if they are allowed extra sick time than most...

Nameless, I am sending you a Thesaurus so you can find a synonym for freak/freaked.  'Cause you use those words an awful lot. You're welcome.

Is That A Squeegee Or Are You Just Happy To See Me?

The company I work for washes windows.  One day one of my co-workers ( a new hire) was assigned to do a hotel, five stories tall.  The day after he got fired.

Turned out, as he was rapelling in his harness from window to window, he purposely left his fly open so his "junk" would be on display.  Only one person noticed, but that was more than enough to get him fired.

Hmm, I don't get it.  Seems a perfectly legitimate way to pick up chicks.

Be sure to keep your 'squeegee' in your pants, HarnessHarry!