Showing posts with label In The News. Show all posts
Showing posts with label In The News. Show all posts

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Dick Chop

This, my friends, is the most serendipitous name reflecting a person's profession - EVER. I present to you:

Dr. Richard Chopp

Click here for Dr. Dick Chop's Website


“There are more vasectomies to be done”

AREAS OF SPECIAL INTEREST

Dr. Richard (Dick) Chopp is well known in the Austin community for performing Vasectomies. He also enjoys treating patients with metabolic evolution of kidney stone disease, male endocrine urology disorders, prostate disease and Peyronie's disease. He has extensive laparoscopy surgery experience, is on the transplant team and performs Living Donor Nephrectomy. He is a Principal Investigator and Sub-Investigator on selected research.

It's amazing he actually chose Dick as his nickname.  Not Rich or Rick or Richie.  Either he's oblivious to the connotations, or he has a fabulous sense of humor.  If it's the latter, then Dr. Chopp, I kinda love you.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

10 Most Disgusting Things Found in Food

I saw this and had to share - it fits loosely with the idea of coworkers, because SOMEONE had to work with the people who managed to get this crap (literal crap, in one case) in the products, right? Right?


Aw, screw it if it doesn't fit the theme.  Bon Apetit!

10 Most Disgusting Things Found in Food - Oddee.com



When Cate Barrett bought a jar of tikka masala sauce from her local Asda store, she was expecting it to contain a bit of a kick. But what she wasn't expecting to find was the dead mouse which had somehow ended up in the jar - along with the rest of her favorite sauce. The nursery worker had begun making dinner for herself and her boyfriend, Nigel, when she poured the sauce into the pan, and noticed it was a little lumpy. As she began stirring the sauce through, she noticed what looked like whiskers and a tail - and immediately knew it was a dead rodent. The couple took the dead animal and the jar of Asda Extra Special sauce back to the shop where a manager apologized and said it would be sent for examination.



A woman in Northern Ireland discovered part of an oven glove baked into her slice of bread - and she didn't even notice it until she began eating it. The loaf had been bought from a local shop just before Christmas. When the victim discovered the contamination, she reported the matter to the environmental health section of the council. The packet turned out to be full of shreds of the hessian-type cloth. Herefordshire-based Hovis makers Premier Foods were fined £750.



An American mother went to a McDonald's with her two 6 and 8 -year old children.
She ordered two Happy Meals with chicken for the children and a hamburger with fries for herself. While they were eating, the 6-year old was more interested in the slide across the street than in the chicken nuggets which he didn't even touch. So the mother decided she would eat them. Without actually watching what she was doing she was bringing a chicken biggest to her mouth, just when her 8-year old son yelled not to eat it. So she looked at the biggest to find that -- despite the crust, it looked just like a chicken's head.The manager offered them their meal for free and two more weeks of free meals. The mother pressed charges and demanded 100,000 dollars compensation




A Queens, N.Y. man sued his local Subway restaurant after he made a frightening discovery that gives new meaning to his former favorite, the Italian cold-cut trio: a knife baked right into the bun. John Agnesini, 27, was shocked to find the surprise ingredient, and a large one at that, in his sandwich. The design director of HX magazine was sitting at his computer doing work and not looking at what he was about to put into his mouth. Agnesini said he didn't bite into the knife's blade and wasn't cut, but a few hours later, he said he felt sick to his stomach and went to his doctor.



Fred DeNegri was grilling in his backyard when he cracked open a can of Diet Pepsi, took a thirsty gulp and immediately started gagging. The flavor of his Pepsi was rank and the texture was thick like slime. He immediately took it to a sink and shook out the contents until something resembling "pink linguini" slid out, followed by "dark stuff”. Despite persistent shaking, a heavy object remained inside the can. Completely disgusted, the DeNegris immediately called poison control and the FDA, and the can was taken in for lab testing to identify the source of the sludgy mess. The couple received a copy of the completed report from the Food and Drug Administration Office of Regulatory Affairs, which concluded the foreign matter appeared to be a frog or a toad.



A man found part of a severed finger packed inside a pint of frozen custard he'd bought from a Kohl's Frozen Custard shop, and officials said it belonged to a worker injured in a food-processing machine accident there. The customer, Clarence Stowers, said he put the finger in his mouth, thinking it was a piece of candy when he opened the pint at home. Stowers said he spat the object out, and "I said, 'God, this ain't no nut!' So I came in here to the kitchen and rinsed it off with water and realized it was a human finger and I just started screaming."

The custard shop owner, Craig Thomas, said that the 23-year-old employee who lost the finger had dropped a bucket while working with a machine that dispenses the custard. He tried to catch the bucket when the accident occurred. Thomas said that as several employees tried to help the injured worker, a drive-thru window attendant apparently scooped the chocolate custard into a pint before being told what had happened.



In Feb. 2002 a woman was eating a bowl of clam chowder at a McCormick and Schmick's seafood restaurant in Irvine, CA, when she bit down on something rubbery. She thought it was a piece of calamari, but when she spit it out into her napkin she discovered that it was a condom. She immediately complained and the restaurant manager took the condom from her. The woman later sued and won an undisclosed settlement from the restaurant. The restaurant itself tried to sue the supplier of the clam chowder, but a judge ruled in favor of the supplier.



A man almost ate this cockroach, found inside a packet of GoldenBoy crispy anchovy snack. The cockroach was difficult to spot initially as it was coated with sesame seeds, making it blend together with the snack. He had bought a 'GoldenBoy crispy anchovy snack' and almost ate a small cockroach after eating about 1/3 of the snack. The cockroach even had sesame seeds on it, which means that it came along with the anchovies inside



A man from Boston found a living black widow spider in a bag of grapes bought at the Whole Foods Market in Brighton. Jorge Fuertes reached into the bag, pulled out some grapes and saw something black fall out and run away. He thought it was an ant, so he looked in the bag and found a southern black widow spider. He spit out his mouthful of grapes and noticed the spider's telltale red hourglass on its belly. He put it in a yogurt cup and went back to the store to let them know what had happened. A manager told Fuertes the entire shipment of Anthony's brand organic red seedless grapes would be removed from the shelves. In a statement Whole Foods said spiders are part of the landscape at their California grower and "although we are very cautious when unpacking produce, sometimes insects are not detected." A black widow bite is rarely deadly, but its neurotoxic venom is painful. It can bring on muscle cramps, vomiting, and dizziness, especially in young children and the elderly.



A family accused chefs of serving poop in their ice cream after they complained about noise during a football match. A bitter row broke out between them and one of Sydney's largest tourist pubs. State government food minister Ian Macdonald confirmed that frozen fecal matter had been found in a serving of chocolate gelato offered to placate pub patron Steve Whyte and his wife Jessica, who became "violently ill" after eating it. Staff at the Coogee Bay Hotel, located just a few minutes south of Bondi Beach, denied the charge. Both the chef and restaurant manager volunteered for DNA tests to prove their innocence. Both sides have accused the other of money seeking, with the Whyte's claiming they were offered $5,000 (£1,500) in hush money by pub General Manager Tony Williams, while they in turn were accused of trying to negotiate up to $1 million in damages.

Maybe it's just me, but if you're okay with eating crispy anchovy snacks I don't see how a crispy cockroach would bother you all that much.  Blech.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Amusing Resume Mistakes

These are quite amusing.....

Resume Mistakes That Keep Hiring Managers Amused But Cost You the Interview
By Barbara Safani


Think resume typos are no big deal? Last year, Accountemps, a temporary staffing firm, interviewed 150 senior executives from some of the nation's largest companies. Forty percent of the respondents said that just one typo on a resume would cause the candidate to be eliminated. Thirty-six percent said it would take just two mistakes before the resume was put in the "no" pile. Here are some of my favorite resume bloopers I found via Job Mob, Resume Hell, and Zimbio. Obviously spell-check isn't all it's cracked up to be.



  • Objective: Seeking a party-time position with room for advancement 
  • Professional headline: 1 year old marketing executive
  • Achievement: Planned new corporate facility at $3M over budget.
  • Explanation of employment gap: career break in 1999 to renovate my horse
  • References: Referees available upon request
  • Skills: I am a rabid typist
  • Strengths: Impersonal skills
  • Hobbies: Enjoy cooking Chinese and Italians
  • Education: College: August 1880 to May 1984
  • Cover letter: I would like to assure you that I am a hardly working person.


And just how much information on a resume is too much?
  • Objective: To have my skills and ethics challenged on a regular basis
  • Personal Information: Married, eight children, prefer frequent travel
  • Language Skills: Exposure to German for two years-but many words are inappropriate for business
  • Reason for leaving last job: the owner gave new meaning to the word paranoia
  • Achievements: Nominated for prom queen
  • Education: Finished eighth in a class of ten
  • Interests: Gossiping
  • Awards: National record for eating 45 eggs in two minutes
  • References: Bill, Tom, Eric - but I don't know their phone numbers
  • Salary: The higher the better
  • Cover letter: Please disregard the attached resume; it's totally outdated

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Sunday Silliness

I love live TV:

Monday, May 17, 2010

G-Shot

Those new reporters say the darndest things....


Thursday, May 13, 2010

Valley Ho High-Heeled Assault

I just love this one due to the hotel name....

Valley Ho High Heeled Assault


Escort bludgeoned hotel valet for calling yellow cab instead of sedan

MAY 12--A female escort wielding a high-heeled shoe is facing an assault rap after she allegedly used the footwear to beat a valet bloody outside the Hotel Valley Ho in Scottsdale, Arizona, according to police. Jennifer Thomas, 26, was arrested early yesterday in connection with the Monday night attack on the 27-year-old male victim, who was injured after Thomas hit him in the head with the shoe. The heel's tip struck his scalp, "causing him to begin profusely bleeding," according to Scottsdale Police Department reports. "The gash was consistent with the size of the bottom of a high heel shoe." The unprovoked assault apparently was triggered after Thomas--who was wearing a miniskirt and had been drinking in the upscale hotel's bar--asked the valet to call her a cab. When a "standard Yellow Cab" arrived, Thomas, pictured in the mug shot below, became irate, saying, "I'm not fucking getting into that. Who do you think I am?" She added that hotel employees "should know I need a sedan." After a second vehicle was summoned--this time a Lincoln Town Car--Thomas removed a shoe and, "without prompt," took a "violent swing" at the valet. Though the man slipped the first blow, "before he could react again the woman used the same heel, held in her right hand, and hit him on the left side of the head." Directing the Lincoln's driver to "go, go, go!!!," Thomas fled the scene in the fancier ride, but was collared a few hours later at her Phoenix apartment. Following her arrest, which was first reported by the Scottsdale Arizona News blog, Thomas "confessed to the assault," but "claimed she was provoked by hotel staff," according to investigators. An arrest report, which lists Thomas's occupation as "upscale companion escort," notes that she was charged with assault, disorderly conduct, and possession of an invalid driver's license, all misdemeanors. The victim, who was "crying, shaking and talking loudly" when interviewed by cops, was treated at the scene by paramedics, but declined transport to a hospital.


Friday, May 7, 2010

Size Matters

For Airport Security, Size Matters

Cops: New high-tech screener triggered fight over manhood insult

MAY 6--A Transportation Security Administration screener is facing an assault rap after he allegedly beat a co-worker who joked about the size of the man's genitalia after he walked through a security scanner. The May 4 confrontation involved Rolando Negrin, 44, and other TSA employees who had previously taken part in a training session at Miami International Airport, according to the below Miami-Dade Police Department reports. Negrin, pictured in the mug shot at right, and his co-workers had been training with new "whole body image" machines--the controversial kind that provide very revealing images of a traveler--when Negrin walked through the scanner. "The X-ray revealed that [Negrin] has a small penis and co-workers made fun of him on a daily basis," reported cops. Following his arrest, Negrin told police that he "could not take the jokes anymore and lost his mind." After work Tuesday evening, Negrin confronted fellow TSA screener Hugo Osorno in an airport parking lot. Negrin wanted to "resolve a problem," and get Osorno, 34, to "finally respect him." Instead, Negrin allegedly pulled out a police baton and began striking Osorno, while demanding an apology. A witness told cops that Negrin told Osorno, in Spanish, "Get on your knees or I will kill you and you better apologize." When Negrin, wearing his TSA uniform, arrived for work yesterday, he was arrested on an aggravated battery count and booked into the Miami-Dade lockup. Osorno, police reported, suffered "bruises and abrasions on his back and arms" during the attack.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Least Influential People of 2010

I found this rather amusing:


Least Influential People of 2010
By Joel Stein Thursday, Apr. 29, 2010

LOSERS

"We Are the World 25 for Haiti"
Fundraising song
Wow, that sucked.

Rue McClanahan
Actress
Betty White has usurped all the power from remaining Golden Girls.

Professional Wrestling Referees
Dream job for weird kids
So few rules to enforce, and yet they always fail.

People in Windows 7 Ads
Actors
Windows 7 was not your idea at all.

Michael Steele
RNC chairman
After his lavish spending and criticizing of Rush Limbaugh — Rush Limbaugh! — many in the party are trying to get rid of him. Even though that would mean losing his blog on GOP.com, which, though now untitled, used to be called "What Up?"

Mark Rosenthal
CEO of Current TV
If someone from MSNBC's The Ed Show caused an international incident in which two reporters were captured by North Korea and had to be freed by a trip from Bill Clinton, at least a few of us would tune in to an episode of the Ed Schultz Show. But still no one has seen that blur-of-short-YouTube-looking-segments that calls itself Current TV. Al Gore is even worse at starting networks than he is at running for President.


MORONS


Heidi Montag
Star of MTV's The Hills
You used to be famous for being famous. Then you were famous for getting lots of plastic surgery and selling only 658 copies of your album in its first week. Now your'e not famous. That was fast.

Spencer Pratt
Boyfriend of Star of MTV's The Hills
Montag fired him as her manager. It's like we need a whole other list of the uninfluential to the uninfluential.

Paula Abdul
Ex-American Idol Judge
Now you have only yourself to judge. That can't be fun.

Desiree Rogers
Former White House Social Secretary
If you had purposely invited one of the Real Housewives of D.C., that would have been influential.

Floyd Landis
Cyclist
Every other cyclist in the last 20 years has gotten away with doping except for you.

Mayumi Heene
Balloon Boy's mom
Any wife who can't talk her husband out of that plan really has no influence.

Conrad Murray
Michael Jackson's doctor
Not a lot of people in Murray's waiting room right now.

Brian Dunkleman
Former Co-Host of American Idol
After quitting Idol after the first season, Dunkleman is now doing voice work playing Ruiga in Naruto.

Joaquin Phoenix
Actor
That weird Andy Kauffman-esque thing where you filmed yourself pretending to rap badly? Even if you made a great documentary about it, I'm not seeing it. In fact, deep down, I'm pretty sure you were really just trying to rap.

Selma
Ex-Lead Technician at the Clinic in Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew on VH1
When you're fired for getting in a fight with Kari Ann Peniche (the woman who was naked in that video with Eric Dane and Rebecca Gayheart), the woman who was herself thrown out of both VH1's Sober House and VH1's Sex Rehab, you are not highly valued.

Carrie Prejean
Former Miss California
Two things you can't do: 1) Make a sex tape after talking about how immoral gay people are; 2) Make a sex tape without any sex in it.

Nadya Suleman
Octomom
No one really cares anymore.

David Shuster
Ex-MSNBC reporter
Shooting a pilot for a rival network (CNN) without asking your bosses is a pretty easy way to get suspended. Also, you should have shot a better pilot.

FLAMEOUTS

Bo Obama
First Dog
No book telling us to exercise or eat leafy greens? No hilarious video of chasing a squirrel to distract us from the fact that our unemployment benefits are almost up? After all that talk about what breed of dog to buy, the family decided to go with Total Loser?

H1N1
Virus
I got a shot for this loser! I made my baby get a shot! This was the biggest loser epidemic since bird flu. Or SARS. I bet H1N1 never even killed a pig. I've eaten about 3 pigs this week and I'm not technically a virus.

Sleestaks
Fictional Creatures from Land of the Lost
You guys bought Escalades with pimped out rims and Beverly Hills homes thinking you'd finally made it. Then Land of the Lost with Will Ferrell bombed and your big-eyed, giant scaly heads realized your one chance was gone.

Sarah Larson
George Clooney's Ex-Girlfriend
While dating George Clooney, People named you as one of their most beautiful people. Now try getting People to call you back. They're not really your friend, Sarah.

Carson Daly
Talk show host
Really. He is. He has a show on NBC. It comes on right after Jimmy Fallon. He was given the show eight years ago so he could practice in obscurity before he took over for Conan. The show has offices and everything.

The Doors
Classic Rock band
We've all decided that they actually sucked and just had a handsome lead singer.

Grover
Muppet
Elmo is taking all your airtime, yo.

Dan Rather
Anchor
...on HDNet. I don't know what that is or why it's still so proud of being in HD, but this is not retiring gracefully. This is like if Michael Jordan came back now and played for HDNet.

Katie Couric
Network Anchor
She keeps showing up. You have to admire that.

Tom DeLay
Former Congressman
Not sure what kind of career he was trying to jumpstart by appearing on Dancing With The Stars, but camp-loving gay men don't like a quitter.

Carrot Top
Comedian
All that success, and yet he hasn't spawned a generation of prop comedians.

Witches
Practioners of Magic
Charmed was, like, 10 years ago. It's all vampires, werewolves and zombies now.

General Larry Platt
Singer/songwriter
"Pants on the Ground" has not stopped one kid from wearing his pants on the ground.

Stedman Graham
Oprah's Boyfriend
Everyone else who knows Oprah has their own show by now.


SLIMY BASTARDS

John Edwards
Former Presidential Candidate
He already was irrelevant, then he allowed news of an affair and love child to come out so slowly, we forgot he was already irrelevant.

Eric Massa
Ex- Congressman
It's hard to be influential when you have no clue how the world works. You don't explain how ungay you are by saying that you just were having tickle fights with the guys you live with, like you did when you were in the Navy. Liberace was more subtle.

Tom Anderson
Founder of, and everyone's friend on, MySpace
Have you clicked on MySpace lately? It's like you wandered into some section of Las Vegas so seedy it should be in Tampa. You can get venereal diseases just from logging on.

Jon Gosselin
Ex-Reality Dad
We once thought he was the henpecked husband of a crazy chick. Now we love the henpecker. Killing the Ed Hardy trend was the last influence you'll ever have.

Lindsay Lohan
Actress
Things are not good when you're suing babies.

Michael Lohan
Lindsay Lohan's dad
He's engaged to Jon Gosselin's ex-girlfriend.

Angelina Pivarnick
Reality Washout
To get kicked off of MTV's Jersey Shore is an accomplishment, but not one that gets you on the next season of Jersey Shore.

Levi Johnston
Actor, model, baby daddy
Who knew American politics needed its own Kato Kaelin.

Tila Tequila
I Have No Idea
I could tell you that Tila Nguyen changed her name to Miss Tila, that she released sonogram pictures of her baby to radar online or that her new single is called "I Fucked the DJ." All of which you'd never know if I didn't just write it. But the only data point I need, I believe, is this, from Wikipedia: "In December 2009, Nguyen partnered with Joe Francis to launch a dating site called 'TilasHotSpotDating.com'.

Nicollette Sheridan
Actress
The other, non-fired Desperate Housewives don't have her back in her lawsuits against the show's creator.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Sandy's Bad Week

We all know some weirdness has been going on in the life of Sandra Bullock, but I'm not referring to what you think I am:

Monday, March 15, 2010

Doggone Ridiculous

I came across this mid 20th century ad and was a bit amazed by it, so I had to share. 

I'm glad they are so damn concerned about the car being marred by this contraption, but hey, who cares about the dog.  At  that point, why even bother with a hole for its head if you're gonna strap your dog to the outside of fast moving vehicle.  Yeesh.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

IHOP Fingered In Gross Lawsuit

MARCH 3--Ronald Neilly was working at an International House of Pancakes in Hallandale, Florida one Sunday morning when he accidentally cut off a fingertip while preparing an order. Neilly, 35, was immediately rushed to a local hospital by Department of Fire Rescue workers. But the severed fingertip--nail intact--could not be located by his fellow kitchen employees.


Until, of course, it soon turned up in the fried chicken green salad being consumed by Nadine Robinson, 42, who was having brunch with her family after attending services at Calvary Chapel in Fort Lauderdale. The severed fingertip can be seen in the above police photo (click to enlarge).


The repulsive IHOP episode, which has not been previously reported, occurred in November 2008 and has resulted in a lawsuit brought by Robinson and her family against the restaurant chain and Neilly (TSG learned of the incident when IHOP lawyers last month filed a federal court motion seeking to remove the case from a Broward County court). Robinson's negligence complaint alleges that the restaurant served her a "freshly severed finger tip that contained both freshly cut human flesh and blood." IHOP, she charges, did not cease operating after Neilly was injured while preparing her salad, adding that the eatery's actions exposed her and her teenage daughter Ashley (who shared some of the salad) to a variety of possible health problems.
After Hallandale cops were summoned to the restaurant, Robinson told them that she had bitten into a piece of salad that "had a rubbery texture." After spitting out the piece and inspecting it, Robinson "noticed that the unknown piece in her salad was the end of a finger tip which also had a piece of a finger nail attached to it." When police spoke to IHOP manager Robert Clarke, he told them of the Neilly accident, adding that he "did keep the plate and piece of finger in the back office." Two police representatives later responded to IHOP and photographed the remains of Robinson's meal, with Neilly's fingertip at the plate's center.

A subsequent inspection of the eatery by the federal Occupational Safety and Health Administration (OSHA) resulted in the issuance of a "Serious" violation due to IHOP not requiring cooks "preparing food with knives in the kitchen area to use appropriate hand protection when exposed to hazards such as severe cuts, lacerations or punctures."

In a claim letter sent last year to an IHOP insurance carrier, Robinson's lawyers demanded an $18 million settlement payment to Robinson and her husband, and $2.5 million for the couple's 14-year-old daughter. IHOP has yet to answer the complaint, apart from seeking last month to have the matter removed to federal court.
This is just so damn horrifying I can't comprehend it.  Biting into a rubbery bit, and discovering its a HUMAN FINGERTIP?!?!?!  I'd need years of intensive therapy.

*WARNING*  If you are squeamish, time to look away, 'cause yep, we got pictures (the little red arrow is pointing to the finger in the first one):





*gag*

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Woman Crashes Car While Shaving Bikini Area

By David Knowles

(March 8) -- Sometimes multitasking has its limits.

 Such is the case in the Florida Keys, where police say a 37-year-old woman crashed her 1995 Ford Thunderbird into another car as she attempted to shave her bikini area.

According to the arrest report, on March 2, Megan Mariah Barnes told Florida State Trooper Gary Dunick that she was on her way to Key West to meet her boyfriend, and that she "wanted to be ready for the visit." So, police say she had her ex-husband, Charles Judy, who was riding in the passenger seat, take the wheel while she attended to her pubic hair.


The results weren't pretty. Going 45 mph, Barnes and Judy are said to have rear-ended a car that had slowed to make a left turn.



A day earlier, Barnes had been convicted of numerous driving infractions, including DUI with a prior arrest and driving with a suspended license. She had been ordered to impound her car, her license was revoked for five years, and she had been placed on probation for nine months.


Dunick told The Citizen newspaper that after the crash, in which two passengers in the other car were treated for minor injuries at an area hospital, Barnes drove for another half-mile before switching seats with Judy in an attempt to make it seem to police as though she had not been driving.

"It is unbelievable," Dunick said. "I'm really starting to believe this stuff only happens in the Keys."

"She was charged with leaving the scene of an accident," said police spokesman Lt. Alex Annunziato, "in addition to all the charges stemming from her earlier violations."


If found guilty of violating the terms of her probation, Barnes could face a year behind bars.
Well, this might not be a crazy coworker to US, but I'm sure someone somewhere has to work with this woman.   Besides, it was too good to pass up.

Don't you love how the person helping her out shaving her pubes in preparation to see her boyfriend was her ex-husband?  Now that's what I call an amicable divorce.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Getting Off In Denver

Computer programmer, 34, arrested for in-flight masturbation episode


MARCH 2--A Delaware man is facing a federal criminal charge after he was caught yesterday masturbating on a plane while seated next to a female passenger. Murali Nookella, a 34-year-old computer programmer, was en route to Denver from Philadelphia on a Southwest Airlines flight when a woman noticed him "fumbling underneath a blanket," according to an affidavit sworn by FBI Agent Joel Nishida. The woman, identified only by her initials in the affidavit, said that Nookella's "eyes were closed and his hands moved all around his groin area" underneath a "mustard/gold blanket pulled up to his waist." As the woman packed up her belonging to move seats, she "looked at Nookella and saw him holding his erect penis." The woman said that Nookella remarked, "You caught me." Nookella held a napkin in his left hand, the woman told the FBI. According to Nishida's affidavit, the woman "did not look but heard a swishing sound. She thought Nookella wiped something." Nookella's employer told TSG that he was headed to Denver on a work assignment. Nookella was named today in a misdemeanor criminal complaint charging him with indecent exposure. If convicted, he faces a maximum of 90 days in jail and a $5000 fine.
Well, this counts as a crazy coworker because he was ON A FREAKIN' BUSINESS TRIP!  Not a "pleasure" (heh!) trip, but as a representative of his company.  His coworkers must be eagerly looking forward to his return to the home office.....

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Butt-Sniffing Shopper

Hunt Is On For Bizarre Butt-Sniffing Shopper

Dec 22nd 2009 By Tom Cullen


We consider ourselves weird-news experts. We've been reporting the more bizarre worldly goings-on for years now, and few things surprise us.

Then, a man sniffing the backside of a shelf stacker hits the headlines and we haven't got a clue what's going on anymore.

Plymouth, England, police are searching for the bespectacled pervert, aged about 40, who smelled the co-op worker's bum at least 20 times on consecutive weekends.

CCTV footage shows the 5-foot-9-inch oddball pretending to pick items off shelves before crouching behind the shelf stacker. With his face near his victim's derriere, he seems take a whiff -- and once gets so close his nose touches the man.

Click through to watch the footage. Admit it, you're intrigued.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Happy Valentine's Day!

Valentine 4

These are entries to a Washington Post competition asking for a two line rhyme with the most romantic first line, but the least romantic second line:

(Did the Washington Post really have this competition?  I really don't know.  I got this from my very first Valentine, my Dad, and we know how his stuff can be:  see Correction.  But I find it amusing, so who cares.  Thanks, Dad, love ya!  Keep sending me stuff!)

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life.

I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.

Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
But I only slept with you because I was pissed.

I thought that I could love no other
that is until I met your brother.

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead,
the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don't take that paper bag off your face.

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes .......
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?

My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe 'Go to hell.'

What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Weatherman Freakout

I kinda love this guy:

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Does This Water Taste Funny To You?

I spotted a horrifying co-worker story in the news:

Charges Filed In Water Bottle Fouling Incident

By Amanda H. Miller, Jackson Hole, Wyo.

November 8, 2008


A Jackson man faces three misdemeanor charges after police matched his DNA to semen in a co-worker’s water bottle.


Brandon Raz, 38, was issued a summons Wednesday to appear Nov. 20 in 9th Circuit Court. He is charged with two counts of battery and one count of stalking after authorities say he ejaculated into a woman’s water bottle.


The woman told police Oct. 9 that she picked up her water bottle once in September and drank from it before she realized it tasted and smelled like semen. She rinsed it out and didn’t say anything about it to co-workers, according to an affidavit filed in circuit court, and she started taking her water bottle home with her.

Between August and September, she also found rolled up tape on her bike seat on four occasions. She left her water bottle on her desk over the weekend in early October and came in Oct. 9 to find that the water again smelled of semen. She reported the incidents to police.

Jackson police collected voluntary cheek swabs from 35 male employees where the woman works for the Town of Jackson, police said.


The Wyoming State Crime Lab would have taken more than two months to return DNA results, Jackson police Sgt. Scott Terry said.

So investigators conducted interviews and identified a suspect, a co-worker at the Town of Jackson. They sent his DNA sample off to a private crime lab, which charged about $2,500 to process it, Terry said.

Raz admitted to police that he ejaculated into the woman’s water bottle on two occasions, according to court records. Each misdemeanor carries a maximum penalty of up to six months in jail and a maximum fine of $750.

What a strange investigation process that had to be for the male employees.  I can only imagine the police questioning:

Have you ever, at any time, jizzled in a co-workers drinking water bottle?

I imagine this guy wasn't invited for birthday cake in the conference room after this.  "Hey, that white cake icing strangely resembles....."

*gag*

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Free Booze

Yesterday we made mention of a stupid liquor store robbery attempt.

Well, this video shows the clumsiest, most accident prone liquor store robber ever.  He just keeps getting worse with each subsequent move he makes.  Check it out for yourself:



My favorite part is when he gives up at the end, sits down on a keg and has a smoke while waiting for the police to come on in.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Ten (Or Maybe Just Eight) Stupid People

Here's another one of those stupid people in the news kinda things.  I did try to verify these, and as far as I can ascertain, the only ones that are definitively false are 4 amd 10.  Which sucks, because I loooove number 4.  The rest are either factual or at least have some kernal of truth to them.

1. When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach California , would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men
to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger.  The chef's claim was approved.
   
3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. 'Understandably', he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer....

$15. [If someone points a gun at you and GIVES you money, has a crime been committed?]

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle Street , he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

As for there being a tape of number 7, I searched and found the following - but it has two idiots rather than just a lone fool, so it may not be the right one.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Vicious Valets

It's always kinda fun to drop your car off with a valet, isn't it?  You feel all movie star-ish, popping out of your car while handing your keys over to someone else to take care of the mundane details of things like parking.

But as you saunter off to your destination without a care in the world, confident your car is in good hands....



I do have to give them one bit of credit though - they are good drivers. I mean, how do they NOT hit all that concrete surrounding them while they do this crazy stuff? Since I assume they've probably been fired by now, they should probably see if NASCAR is hiring.