The Agony Of Da Feet

Our office is pretty casual.  That's a good thing, except for Harry, who wears sneakers that must be 30 years old and reek like the local landfill.  You can smell him coming from five cubicles away.  And to add to his repulsiveness, he takes off his sneakers at his desk and props his feet on it, which makes the stink overwhelming.  And to CONTINUE to add even MORE repulsivity (is that a word?), he has been know to cut his toenails at his desk and let the cut toenails fly all over, land where they may - and he doesn't pick them up.

He sounds just a WEE bit insane.  Maybe you should grab one of those discarded toenails so you can provide the police with DNA when the time comes.  Because you know it will.

Sending some heavy duty air fresheners Toby's way for this one...

Toilet Treasures

As a plumber, the most common call received is to unclog toilets.  One of my coworkers used to bring various items in his pockets to calls - unpackaged (but unused - he wasn't THAT sick) condoms, lace thongs, etc.  After he cleared out the client's obstruction, he'd dampen whatever item was in his pocket that day in the sink and present it to the homeowner saying "This was your problem."  He loved the shocked look on their faces -  knowing that the women didn't recognize the underpants and that some of the men most likely didn't use condoms with their wives.

The most notable was the time when a woman freaked out after his presentation, and said to her 7 or 8 year old girl "Pack a bag, we're going to Grandma's because your Daddy is screwing a whore".

That's a really crappy thing to do.  But you have a crappy job to begin with.  Literally.

The golden plunger award of the day goes to Mr. Plumb!

Designated Drunk

A guy I worked with had a drinking problem.  He actually brought vodka to work in water bottles and drank from them all day (And that old saying  that you can't smell vodka is totally untrue. You can. Very much so.)  Anyway, during the day you would alternately hear insane laughing or loud crying coming from his cubicle.  We all just kinda got used to it. 

But this is the weirdest part - he was exceptionally good at his job.  While drunk.  So he never got fired, because we needed him.

YOU CAN SMELL VODKA?!?!  Oh, crap. 

Um, anyone know what you can't smell?  I'm just curious is all.  Really.

Cheers to Andrea34 for this one!

Sunday Funday

The funniest protest signs of 2009:

Really?!?! Asian children are plotting to assasinate my Grandma?!?!

What exactly would the pubic option be?

'Cause he's got nothing more important to do.

I vote to exclude the douche bags.  But that's just me.

Your spelling is having an even bigger crisis of 'competnce'.

Yum, Pancakes!

I knew someone who worked in a very popular chain. Their main thing in the a.m. is their famous pancakes. He was mad at the Manager and actually urinated in the pancake batter that got served to many customers. Of course I didn't know about this until after the fact or I would have reported it.

Of course you would have reported it.  Riiiiiiight. 

Maybe pee is the important ingredient that MAKES the pancakes so delicious, hmm?  They could use it instead of maple syrup - he could go to each table and douse each order with his own very special 'syrup'. 

Thanks to Donnie, who hasn't eaten a pancake since!

News Bloopers

I find nothing funnier than when newscasters mess up live...

NSFW, by the way!!

The chicken comment is....well, basically insane, but my favorite part is his co-anchor's face after he says it:


Someone really pissed off Sue:


And lastly, a compilation of mistakes:

Who's The Crazy One Here?

For your enjoyment, unedited and in its entirety:

I'm a waitress @ a very. very busy NYC area diner... & all I'm gonna say is stay away from side salads people!! (waiters/waitreses use there hands to make them!!!) I was appauled when I first learned this was how it was done... (too busy to use thongs n stuff.. plus there may be 4 or 5 others trying to get into the salad bin at the same time as you... there isnt even salad tongs in my diner!!) And let me tell u.. our hands get quite dirty after working just a few minutes!!! Also cooks use there hands 4 everything!!! (ever order a melt & notice how nicely the tuna or chicken salad is patted down & molded so neatly??!!!) & YES... WE EAT OFF UR PLATES B4 THEY COME OUT!!! We dont get breaks & get hungry too!! So if u order something & it looks tastey we may grab off it! Ex. fries, clam strips, cut up pieces of chicken... nothing big though... even our managers do it!! And I'll just say this one last thing... treat your servers with respect!!! Dont talk down to us or treat us like slaves!!!! I bend over backwards for anyone who treats me nicely and smiles...But I dont even want to tell you what some other servers may do if you treat them disrespectfully!!! (you would be shocked at how some treat us!!! I think some people get off on it...there jolly 4 the day...... but were the ones with the last laugh!!!) ... And it's not just diners btw... actually I think diners are cleaner & have better servers than most franchise restaurants (also a large portion of diners business comes from repeat frequent customers.. some people eat all 3 meals with us... they come to us because we treat them like family & consistanly give great service and quality (& quanity lol) food!).......(franchise chains) hire nothing but kids, & kids could give a frogs fat ass what is served on your plate..... bottom line is all of this has been going on since the dawn of eating out.... If you enjoy eating out then continue to do so.... Just take my advice & you'll be fine!!! The better you treat your waiter/waitress, the better your entire meal will be!! (oh, & stay away from those side salads!!! lmao!!)

I would prefer no thongs in my salad anyway.

Thanks, dinergrl, and maybe lay off the caffeine.