Skid Marks

Don't touch Rachel's hair. You will know why after reading her story:

Well, one day, my boss hired this guy to be the new intern where I work. He was supposed to fetch the paid workers coffee, muffins, tea or whatever else we wanted. He always did strange things; we would ask for coffee and he would bring us a tea. Most of us grew used to it. One day I requested "Will you go get me my jacket? It's freezing in here." At first I thought he was going to get the jacket, until he came back NAKED, ran over to me, put his tighty whities over my head and said "Better?" I replied: "YOU ARE FIRED, YOU (expletives deleted for those with delicate sensibilities ). Pulling his underwear off my head, I realized it had a terrible stench and a big skid mark in the seat. I didn't get out off the shower for over 3 hours when I got home.

But, really, what do you want from an unpaid intern? You get what you pay for and all that!

Gettin' Jizzy With It

I am starting to learn that people are more sick than I thought. Here's yours, Kristi:

I work as a nail technician. In my old salon, my coworker was a real hippie, natural, holistic type person. She stank, but that's not the issue here. We always massaged our clients hands with lotion that was supplied by the salon, but Rainbow had odd beliefs in the properties of certain natural substances. She was convinced semen was the best all around skin fortifier. She even said it had anti-aging properties, and she wanted to provide that to our customers. Naturally, she knew she would never be allowed to use that on clients, so she devised her own plan. She had her boyfriend (who was probably equally stinky) make a 'deposit' into a jar, and she would bring it in to add to her salon supplied bottle of lotion. She was convinced her customers hands looked way better than anyone else's when she was done. I didn't bother to tell the management, because, frankly, it didn't affect me.

She also availed herself of the miracle properties of semen - she claimed to use it as a face mask.

Yuck. But did her skin look good? I mean, I'm not getting any younger here ya know...

Mothballs, Oatmeal and Happy Holidays

Todd's is odd: (Hehe! That rhymes!)

I worked with a lady who was not particularly old, probably in her 50s, but acted like she was 80. She moved slow, talked slow, ate slow. She brought instant oatmeal in for her lunch. All her clothes smelled of mothballs. She had a sweater or shirt for every holiday, but she used to wear them at inappropriate times. Like her Christmas sweater in March. Or her St. Patrick's Day shirt in November. And apparently in her world, Halloween was all year 'round.

She was so messing with ya all just trying to get early retirement.

A BIG THANK YOU!

I just want to thank you for your submissions! You all rock!

Who's Your Daddy?

Daddy issues from Mark:

We had this woman at work who was in her 40s and had this totally bizarre habit of calling all the men she came in contact with "Daddy". For example, if someone asked her to print a report, she'd say "Be right back with that, Daddy" and wink. She didn't call women Mommy or anything, it was all Daddy, all the time. It was creepy but no one said "Stop calling me that" because you never know with people of that sort what will set them off and cause them to massacre the whole office. So we just went along with it.

That's very disturbing. I wonder if she called her actual father "Boss?".

It's a Jungle Down There!

Tina, yours is definitely horrifying:

I was a nurse who worked at a gynecologist's office. The doctor had a habit of making comments to colleagues in the office about his patients. For example, he would say that one woman needed a good waxer, because she was too hairy in his opinion. He also referred to labia as tent flaps, as in "that woman had the biggest tent flaps I've ever seen". () He was nasty about patients' weight and looks, making comments after an exam such as "I'm probably the only one who will ever be seeing THAT area." He called pregnant women whales and fatties. He made the 'throwing a hot dog down the Lincoln Tunnel' joke about a few women. I would have reported him, but shockingly enough, he was actually a very good doctor. He just couldn't shut his mouth.

I had to edit a couple of things out of this one because they were just TOO graphic. Otherwise, you'd have to bleach your brain like I've been trying to do.

Sunday Funnies

Occasionally I get off the subject of crazy people at work to share stuff that I find amusing. So here we go, a few ads from the past!



Lard?!?! Really? They won't be as happy when people start calling them lard asses. Bathing suits and lard just don't mix.

But after you get all happy with your lard, you can solve your weight problem with:


Ok, that's just going waaaaay to far to be skinny, doncha think?

Well, if the tape worms don't work, maybe you can try some doctor prescribed ciggies:



Ok, this next one is...well...um...uh...just read it and you'll see...



Lysol? FREAKIN' LYSOL?!?!?! At that point you might as well start using bleach as a body wash. Apparently you need some strong cleaning products to break through that good ol' web of indifference.