Yo, Taxi!

I am a cabbie in NYC.  One of my fellow cabbies is a born and bred New York Italian guy.  But because his hair and complexion are so dark, he gets mistaken for being from the Middle East all the time.  He decided to use this to his advantage.  When people he obviously spots as tourists or foreigners (he knows not to try it on the natives) get into his cab, he pretends to speak limited English.  By acting like he doesn't understand his passengers, he winds up taking long routes and going totally out of his way to their destination, thereby jacking up the meter.

He says it works best with people from the Midwest; they are afraid to complain and actually tip him MORE because they feel bad for the poor non-fluent immigrant.

Anyone going to visit NYC, watch out for the cabbie with the Middle Eastern accent that has a distinct underlying native New Yawk twang. 

Yo, BillyBoyo, thanks!!

Sunday Silliness

I always like to see before and after pictures, that way I can know what results to expect after using the product:

Same shirt, same necklace - it's got be her!  I need a truckload of this stuff...

Please, for the love of God, let him exhale before his head explodes...

and it looks like they let her exhale a little too soon. 

Who knew having clean teeth could age you so much?

And the magic is that they gave you someone else's dog! Tada!

Dude Looks Like A Lady

Many years ago I worked with a man who hated his job and made it clear to everyone how badly he wanted to get fired.  Our boss knew this, but wanted to force him to quit rather than allow him to get severance and collect unemployment.  So it became a contest of wills.

The fellow who wanted to be fired took to wearing increasingly bizarre outfits to work.  Its started with a robe and pajamas and went all the way to full on drag.  The boss pretended nothing was amiss with his clothing, while at the same time piling more and more weird tasks on him, such as watering the front lawns (while he was dressed as a woman), trying to force him to quit.  At this point the rest of us workers were truly enjoying whatever new spectacles that these two had for us each day.  Work was most certainly not dull.

It finally became too much when the one who wanted to be fired decided to let his personal hygiene slide.  No more bathing, toothbrushing or changing his clothes anymore.  That's when it became unbearable for the rest of us, and we forced our boss's hand.

He was handed his walking papers with a big 'YOU WIN' written across them.

Great ideas!  I am so getting out the panty hose, high heels and a dress to wear Monday morning so I can get outta this job...

Oh, crap, that's not gonna work for me since I'm female, will it?  And I'm just not willing to go the poor hygiene route.

Or am I?

Thanks to GrannyBee!
 

Oompa Loompa Bimbo

Our receptionsist prior to the one we have now was a real ditz.  Bimbo would be a good description actually.  She had a huge mound of bleached hair teased all around her head, wore shirts that put her cleavage front and center, skirts that barely covered her butt, chewed gum at all times, and used fake tanner to create an Oompa Loompa-like hue.

One day I noticed that the front desk phone was riginging like crazy, but it seemed that none of the calls were being transferred back to any of us, which was odd.  So I walked up quietly behind her and watched for few moments.

It seems that when things got hectic, she figured out the way to lessen her workload was to answer each line, say "please hold", and then hang up rather than pressing hold.  When our boss confronted her about this practice, she tried to defend herself by saying that she was helping out everyone that worked there because only about half the people called back. She claimed she was eliminating uneccessary calls, because if it was REALLY important, they would have called back. 

I am really, REALLY hoping you don't work at the 911 call center.

Please hold, GrecianSea, for your thank you!

It's Three Turdy

Dude I work with is an idiot.  He will do anything anyone dares him to.  We dared him to drink White-Out; he did it.  We dared him to eat a handful of the hottest pepper known to man, the jalapeno, (actually, the hottest pepper known to man is the Naga Jolokia pepper, but please, continue...) and he did it.

One day someone brought in a dried up piece of one of his dog's turds, but didn't tell the dude what it was, just dared him to eat it.  And he did!!

Never laughed so hard in my life!

Daring people to eat dog turds has usually run its course around time elementary school ends.  But good for you for keeping this time honored childhood tradition going!

A White-Out covered, hot pepper flavored dog turd is on it's way to you for this one, HeroMan.

Free My Willy

Back in high school, I worked at a video rental store.  One of the guys I worked with thought it was hysterical to switch the tapes around into the incorrect boxes.  His favorite was to put pornos into kid's movie boxes.  When people would come back irate, he would just blame the customer that had the tape previously.

I really have to say, that's kinda sick getting kicks outta the possibility of exposing kids to that kinda stuff.

But anyway...

So the movies they got were more like Throbbin' Hood, Mary Poopins and Free My Willy? 

Oy, that was bad.

Not gonna get my movies from your place, GrandSlammer (even your name sounds a little porn-y, ya know?)

Small Birds And Big Men

Two guys I work with have an intense football team rivalry going on. One is insane about the Giants, the other is equally loony about the Eagles.


One Monday after watching their teams play Sunday, the two of them got into a heated argument. This argument eventually became a screaming match until the Eagles fan took a swing at the Giant guy. Then it was all out war, rolling on the ground fighting like their lives depended on it - all while dressed in suits and ties. A bunch of us broke up the fight, and the men retreated to their offices with their bloody noses and bruises.

The best part is that these were two VPs of a mediation company - we are supposed to defuse situations, not ignite them.

I find this one even funnier if you go back and reread it assuming that the eagles guy is a fan of our fine feathered friends and the giants guy is enamored with people of huge stature. Heh.

We appreciate you punting this one our way, TeddyG.!  (Yeah, I know.  That was bad.  Hey, I try.)