The Perfect Job....

Whoever gets hired for this job will probably be the subject of some awesome crazy co-worker stories in the future:

Reefer madness

Journalism is going up in smoke... Westword, a weekly newspaper in Denver, is looking for a pothead with some writing skills for what must seem like a drug-induced dream: a job reviewing marijuana.

Colorado allows the sale and use of medical marijuana, and the paper says its reviewer must have an ailment that allows him or her to legally purchase it. But with pot prices of up to $130 an ounce, the paper says someone needs to be able to tell customers which ones are worth the (medical) money. Talk about your Rocky Mountain highs!

I wonder if the expense acount will cover the munchies?

Sunday Funnies

Lower back tattoos are popular these days.

But maybe not these versions...

You know, I found him annoying too, but this is a bit extreme.  Besides, I'm wondering what the situation would have to be for 'Ray Romano' to actually SEE this message...

And then I get.....?

No thanks.

Because that's what God always wanted for the bible.  For it to be written on people's asses.

Aw, was this a gift for them?  They must be so proud.

And instead of wearing that uncomfortable looking pink ruffly thing, take a page from this girl's book...

permanent thong!

What a beautiful way to honor the dead - on the space above your ass crack.

And lastly- a moldy, rotting butterfly with what appears to be a detached human, ahem, 'member' for a body.

Peein' Petey

I work in an office with a big open floor plan that's all filled with cubicles everywhere the eye can see.  The worst positioned cubicle has got to be the one in the way back corner, it's pretty dark and remote.  Nobody in their right mind would want that one, except for Petey.

Petey would disappear into his cubicle every morning, and not reappear until quitting  time.  We figured he must have brought food in to eat at his desk, but what about bathroom issues?  We nicknamed him BB for Bionic Bladder behind his back.

The mystery was solved when the cleaning company's head honcho called our boss to tell him that his workers would no longer empty the wastebasket full of pee from the farthest cubicle anymore.

Apparently you have a problem with efficent workers.  He came up with a strategy to eat to take care of all his needs while never even leaving his desk.  I commend him for his ingenuity.

I still kinda wonder about, well, number two.  Has anyone checked his desk drawers?

AndrewPotter, be very careful if you go into his desk to borrow his scissors!

Painting The Town, And The Bathroom, Red

I run a painting company.  One of the guys on my crew reported to work one morning totally trashed.  I would have told him to go the hell home and sleep it off, but that would have left me one man down and our client  wanted her project done and over with that day and I needed all hands on deck to meet the deadline.

As we were painting the bathroom, drunk guy is reaching up to paint a spot when he loses his balance.  He grabs the shower rod to stop himself from falling.  The rod pulls out of the wall, and he crashes into a ladder with an open, full can of paint on it.  Dark red paint goes flying all over, including the already painted white ceiling and trim.  I guess all the commotion made him feel sick, so he abruptly bent over and puked into the bathtub.

Seriously, the red covered bathroom looked like I had done what I really wanted to do to at that moment - massacre him.  I fired him, and then it took a few days to repair the damage and worst of all, I had to do it all for free.

I'm sure that client has given you many glowing recommendations and can't wait to use you guys for any future home remodeling.

*snicker*


Better luck with future employees, PaulieThePainter!

I Want A New Drug

My coworker is the Queen of Grammar and Vocabulary.  If you send her a quickly written email that had typos in it, but you figured, 'eh, what's the big deal it's only going to her and I'm in a rush', well, you'd be wrong.  To her it is a BIG DEAL.  She will copy it back to you with all your mistakes highlighted and corrected, but worst of all, she will not reply until it is corrected to her satisfaction.

She also corrects people when they are speaking.  Two of her biggest pet peeves are when people say anyways and alls, to which she will start yelling - "THERE IS NO S ON THE END!! THERE IS NO S!!!".  And once someone used drug as the past tense of drag, and her reply was "Is the past tense of brag, brug?  How about lag? Is it lug?  If I am gagging, did I gug?  NO. THEREFORE, IT'S DRAGGED, NOT DRUG!!".

ome people have complained about her to our boss but he says there is nothing wrong People have complained about her to our boss but he says there is nothing wrong with a little bit of perfectionism.

Well, anyways, alls I have to say is maybe she needs a drug.  And I mean pharmaceutical, not the past tense of drag.

Glad we drug that one outta ya, JellyBeanie!

Farming Fun

When I was a younger man, I used to work on my dad's farm.  One of  farmhands we hired to help us bale hay hated his job and it seemed to make him rather depressed. 


To get out of work he actually stabbed himself throught he foot with a pitchfork, hoping for disability.


Instead he was back two weeks later with a banadge and a limp.  Seems he missed all vital parts and it was just a flesh wound.

So after reading this one, how many of you thought of:



Next time, tell him to use a dirty pitchfork.  The infection might get him a little more time off...

Hay there, Trunco!  Thanks!

Sunday Sillies

I love when people who are supposed to be experts make mistakes.  I suppose it makes me feel better about my less than perfect self.

Aw, come one, who am I kidding.  Less than perfect? Me?  Haha!

Fun with Photoshop mistakes:

That extra hand is just damn creepy.  Like some disembodied hand ghost rising from the sea (okay, just go with me here).

This before and after analysis is so convincing!  I mean, yeah, she seems to only collect fat in four gargantuan folds on her right side, and yeah, she can create the exact same pose (including background), but c'mon, I totally buy it. 

Just can't remember her on Baywatch, though...

The cereal took off the flab on her stomach - and apparently her skin color too.

This frightens the hell out of me.  She looks like those snakes that can unhinge their jaw in order to eat their prey whole.

*shiver*

Removing your right leg is a drastic measure to lose weight, dontcha think?